Does it get any better

[fruitsalad87]

Morning, looking for some advice or words of comfort really.

We have just had ADOS / ADIR for DD(6). We are awaiting the report but feedback from assessors suggests ASD (with PDA profile) and also ADHD.

She is high functioning / masking extremely well in school and all other areas (with grandparents / friends / clubs etc), but my god home life is a completely different kettle of fish.

She wakes at 5 am and from dawn to dusk (bedtime can be anytime past 10) if we are not giving her are 121 undivided attention we are having catastrophic meltdowns. She is attacking Dd(4), kicking us as hard as she can in the face / stomach, scratching our faces, spitting at us, and screaming pretty much none stop. She is waking DD(4) who has just started reception numerous times a night by either physically running into her room to scream at her if we leave her for a second, or just general screaming. Things seem to be escalating and the meltdowns seem to be getting bigger, she has started throwing large heavy objects at us.

If we are having her undivided attention she seems to be able to regulate and can sit and play nicely and is so sweet but it’s just not possible to do this all of the time.

DH works away 4 days a week, I’m self employed and work around the school run so if I’m not working I’m caring for the girls.

A lot of the anger is focused at DH when he is here so anytime he is spending with her is miserable, she says very hurtful things to him (she wants him to die, she hates him etc) and I can see this is affecting him and worrying he is depressed.

Because she isn’t going to bed till gone ten now and I can’t leave her to colour / play on her own I am getting zero down time, if DH is home at the weekend and he takes over which he is trying his best to the behaviour just escalated further and she will scream my name over and over again.

I’m so so worried about DD(4) as she is being screamed at hearing screaming none stop at the moment. We know we need to throw all the parenting NT kids books out of the window and we are trying our best to stay calm at all times but how do we get through this? I am reading / researching as much as I can. Following PDA accounts / I’ve listened to the explosive child etc Will it get any better us is this just what life is going to be like now. It feels like we’re on eggshells all the time.

@ElizabethBennetsBoots by improvement I was referring to the violent meltdowns rather than general ASD. Hoping the diagnosis will help me to understand better triggers behind the meltdowns and find tools to help regulate her so she is not feeling so out of control / anxious / sad.

I don't think I have appreciated how important routine and choices are to her and I feel like implementing some changes here will hopefully help.

Thanks for the update Fruitsalad. So glad you are now on the right path. Once we had our daughter's ADHD under control we found a whole host of other stuff - it was very much like peeling an onion! Hope they have agreed to medication for her - will make a huge difference to your daughter and the rest of the family. Onwards and upwards as they say!!!

Best wishes xxx

@fruitsalad87 Hello
Please can I ask you about the term "mild" ASD please? I was under the impression that nowadays they either give a level 1/2 or 3 or reports do not state any levels at all
thank you

@11plusNewbie from the diagnostic tool there was a score, off the top of my head 30-36 was classed as mild autism and 36 and above was classed as severe.

When she spoke to me to give me the results before I had the report she told me she had 'mild' autism which is what would have previously been known as Asperger's.

I think her score was 35 but it wasn't very clear from the report.