Meeting with Ed Psych today .

[ALMummy]

Had a meeting with Ed Psych at DS (5 - poss ASD) school today. It went well and she was really great actually but I worry that sometimes they are trying to get DS's difficulties to fit in with the schools idea of what was wrong with him rather than what difficulties he is actually having.

For example we were telling her that we often play taking turns games with DS and how when we play Ker Plunk he likes to get the Yellow marble and will try to play the game very strategically and even take two quick turns in a row (he knows exactly what he is doing) in order to get the yellow marble. She said "so you would say that he is fixated with the yellow marble". No he just likes to get it but he doesnt go in to melt down if he doesnt. I like to get the yellow marble .

She suggested that we ask for a referral to our local Child Development Team and she seemed confused that he had been referred to a Child Psychologist and I must admit I felt the same when our GP made the referral. Could someone please tell me where exactly he should be referred? If it is not a Child Psychologist then we have wasted a month. Once and for all what do I need to ask for when I go to the GP? Am going in half an hour so I would be really grateful for any answers.

I am just so confused by this whole thing. DS does point and share things of interest with me. He makes loads of eye contact. He does have to be prompted socially and does not seem to relate or have interest in children at all. He relates much better to adults. I do see there are problems but there does not actually seem to be anything definitive that I can put my finger on and say thats it. I have obviously read up madly on ASD, Aspergers and Dyspraxia and there are some traits but nothing that really fits.

Appreciate any responses.

bumping for you almummy, but I think where I am the child psychologist does the diagnosis for asd... not sure what the normal process is, just going through it all myself, ds is nearly 4... never seems to be the same procedure in different places.

hi AlMummy
no advice here either, but wanted to say I hope you had a fruitful conversation with GP (surely they should be able to direct you to right person? - I know this is wishful thinking) and wish you all the best.

As you know I have had similar issues with ds and I know exactly what you mean above, the ed psych sounds so much like his teacher was a few months ago: anything ds did was seen as SN trait, most of it I knew she was wrong about and have proved that.

The social bit still worries me....and they have put ds on a social skills group and he's improved so much, he loves going to school now.

Sometimes little boys just need a bit of a push as they are generally clueless socially, not like little girls.

However, if you have nagging feeling I don't want to dismiss it, as you are his mother and know best.

I am also bumping thread for you so that somebody on this forum can still give you some insight.

Hi

Know what you mean about making them fit. This also happened to us. Our son too was good at eye contact with us but was and still is choosy with other people. Again - nothing really fitted especially as he has a fab imagination but he definately is on the spectrum plus having dyspraxia, dyslexia, auditory and visual processing. I did used to get annoyed with them trying to squish him into a category though. He's now 13 and fantastic.

All the best.

Thanks for your replies. I have made my peace with the fact that at some point there will be a diagnosis of something. I have had it on my mind for nearly a year after all. I just get frustrated not knowing what it is. I want to know so I can stand up for him with the "experts". If I dont know what I am talking about then they will continue to try to fit him into the diagnosis rather than the other way around IYSWIM.

Glad to hear your DS is doing well Cantputfingeron.

Sometimes I feel that DS will be fine when all the kids he knows have grown up and are on his level because he interacts so much better with adults .

y'know ALmummy that is similar to what my dh says about our ds.

I think my dh is in denial(not sure denial is the right word), still uncomfortable with the "do-gooders" that are involved with our ds and the whole asd process.

aefondkiss

If you dont mind me asking what did you notice about your ds that made you start to pursue a diagnosis. Was it the nursery or school that noticed or you? I noticed differences but they never seemed to be a problem. DS was just always so happy and content, never any behavioural difficulties or anything like that. He did have a lot of echolalia and used to repeat great passages of dialogue from Thomas the tank engine etc but it passed pretty quickly and I never realised it was a symptom of anything.

I found things difficult with DH in that when it was first mentioned by DS nursery DH didnt want to look in to it at all. He wanted to give DS the chance to come along by himself and asked me to give him 6 months to do so before "labelling" him. DS's problems seemed so minor that I agreed but now its been mentioned again at another school and we are pursuing it I am really worried that I didnt do the right thing by DS and he could have been helped more if we had started a diagnosis process earlier. DH still doesnt think DS needs any help - he says he is an 'individual' but does at least accept that DS might need some help but same as your DH doesnt see why there has to be so much outside involvement.

I notice my ds is different when I compare him to other children his age, but at first it was the HV, then at his SN nursery (he ended up going there, when the nursery he was going to, asked me to stop bringing him because they couldn't handle him, his screaming non-compliance, I was still oblivious then), that was when he was 2.5, I think...

we have never "pursued a diagnosis", we are (I think) being gently urged to consider one... all the caring professionals look at us with weary disbelief or have done... when ds started ms nursery at 3.3, we were called to a meeting after the first week, they could not cope with him, since then (he is nearly 4 ) we have just tried to be open to the help the professionals have sent our way

my dh claims he was "odd" as a child, that ds is just odd too, but I am on the fence/aware that the head in the sand approach doesn't really work!

at home my ds can seem almost normal, but then that is our own idea of "normal" i.e we are doing okay, his meltdowns and lack of communication are hard to deal with but not in a huge way.... he sleeps (well in the last 6 months he hasn't slept well) , eats, plays, cuddles, laughs, is generally a sweet, loving wee boy....

but at nursery he is not like the other children, he stands out, is obviously different, to the other children too, just waiting to go into nursery this is obvious, never mind when they have little show for the parents...

I suppose we do have behavioural problems, my ds language is delayed and, echolalia has been evident, though he seems to be getting past that stage, starting to build on the language he has, ds has sensory stuff going on too, stimming and other wee quirky behaviours.

I often think my dh only sees ds in the home and rarely with his peers, when I meet other children my ds's age I am always comparing them, amazed at what other 3+ yr olds are like, thinking what his older sister was like at that age, etc... although I always remember reading that it is wrong to compare your child, hv always used to tell me that too, when I had my PFB!

I still don't feel ready for a diagnosis, still cling to every little positive thing ds does that might be proof of his "normality" but I know he is not developing in the NT way...

sorry for the long winded response! I suppose it is a slow dawning realisation for me, and my dh is lagging behind, but if you asked parents at nursery if my child was different, I am pretty sure they would all say yes.

Not long winded at all. I feel the same way as in constantly looking for reasons why he cant possibly be because "ASD kids dont do that" etc etc. I still dont feel ready to wholeheartedly embrace that this is a life changing thing either. DS is what he is, nothing has changed. I have never really found him difficult to deal with. I know that it is good to know for sure so that we can help him reach his full potential. I do realise that as he gets older his little quirks do stand out more. He has been hit by other kids at school as well, out of frustration I think because he doesnt respond to them and I obviously want to get help for him to start to relate better.

Also family are very much in denial as well. My MIL raised 5 kids and sees nothing wrong with him. My own Mum says he is no different than any of the kids she has known - cleverer if anything. It has got easier since we started referrals though. For a year before that I felt completely alone. DH would not discuss it at all while we were giving him the time to come on by himself so I was reduced to reading up constantly about it. It is better because we are at least talking openly about it now, which is a relief.

Have now found out that DS is being referred to a Child Development Team for assessment. Can anyone give me any pointers on what sort of things happen at the assessments, what they will be looking for etc. Is it tests, do they just talk to him. Would be really grateful to hear anyones experiences.

almummy, I hope you get a response, but bumping for you, I googled "Child Development Team for assessment uk" it might not be specific to where you live but you might find a link explaining the assessment.(I know it is sometimes better getting an individual's experience too...)

My DS has just been assessed at a child development centre.

He was one of 4 boys being assessed.

Went for 2 hours on a Mon and Tues morn for 4 weeks.

There were 2 nursery nurses who played with the boys (parents stayed too apart from the last day). The room was set up with different toys and activities each morning. The nursery nurses made notes throughout the sessions as well as playing. There was a routine to the morning: playing with whatever was out, then tidy up and get out different toys, then wash hands and snack time. Parents would then go to another room for a coffee and return to find them doing some messy play. Then songs before leaving.

So DS was 'seen' by: 2 nursery nurses, speech therapist, clinical psych (seperate room and lots of puzzles and some questions), physio, occupational therapist.

Apparently we will get a full report by each professional at 'The Big Meeting' a week tomoorrow.

Don't know what happens then tho. A diagnosis ? Further assessment ? Sent away with a flea in my ear ?.....

HTH.

Meant to say that the different professionals were in the room with the kids (clinical psych seperate). Different prof each morning, IYSWIM.

my ds had an assessment a while ago, where dh and I sat behind a mirror with salt, early years support teacher and maybe someone else (I can't remember now... but the child psychologist and consultant paed would have had a report... they couldn't come).

I could have been in the room, but I chose not to go in with ds, it was quite heart wrenching watching my ds... his salt went in and played with him, then another salt he didn't know went in to see his response to a stranger.

they were assessing his social communication ( I think) and how he played with toys/reacted to noise, transitions and other stuff, like his ability to share and take turns.

Thats really helpful TheodoresMummy. Do you mind if I ask how old your DS is? Was he assessed with other children of the same age? Did you explain to him where he was going? Did you have to wait a long time for the assessment. The Ed Psych said the waiting list was 6 months but my GP said it would be a lot less than that. Sorry for my onslaught of questions.

Hope you get whatever you are hoping for at your meeting next week.

Thanks aefondkiss. Cross posted. Do you mind if I ask why you didnt go in with your DS? I am not sure if the assessment was the same for us whether it would be a good idea to be with him. Obviously DS is going to react quite differently in either case. I dont know what would give them the more accurate picture of him. As you can probably see I havent really got a clue about any of this.

DS is 4.3

2 of the other boys were the same age, 1 was 3.5

DS wouldn't have understood what it was all about. We had a home visit by one of the nursery nurses the week before, so we just said that we were going to a place to play with her.

We had been referred by Speech Th and HV to a see a Pead almost a year ago and saw her twice, but nothing seemed to be happening. She just seemed to be waiting to see how he developed.

But nursery (who have always been supportive of DS and never took issue with his little ways) asked if they could refer him for an assessment last Oct/Nov. He was seen in Feb. They felt they should refer him as he may need additional support when he starts school. Considering their previous reluctance to see anything 'wrong' with him, I feel that the assessment team will prob come up with a diagnosis of some sort.

I just thought I would be too emotional, seems ridiculous now in a way, but it was great to see him, and I was afraid ds would sense how upset I was about it all, I didn't want to influence him, iyswim?