Feeling like a bad mum.

[GG1986]

My daughter has adhd, diagnosed last year and on the waiting list for autism assessment. We have our daily struggles, but we manage it the best we can. One of her issues is around social and communication, she masks at school all day, so when she comes home she doesn't like to be asked questions, we saw my mum on Monday and she started asking her how her weekend was and what she got up to, she refused to answer and my mum tells her not to be rude and gets offended(this has happened many times) and I just don't know what to do about it? I have been raised to always say hello, bye, thank you, please, so my daughter has always seen me be this way, but I can't force her to talk to people family or strangers can I? How do parents navigate this?

Could you ask your DM not to question DD like that?

I have tried, she says my daughter can speak fine, so she should be able to answer and have a conversation with her. I feel stuck between telling my daughter off for being rude(as I feel that is what my mum thinks I should do) and telling my mum to just leave her alone and accepting this is part of her adhd/autism.

You need to educate your mum on neurodiversity and set some boundaries with her. It’s not ok for your mum to tell your dd she’s rude when it’s part of her neurodiversity and something she can’t help.

My ds doesn’t mask but he still ignores more than half of all questions he’s asked. He’s 9.

Just continue to model it for her without forcing her to do it too.

You need to educate your mum on neurodiversity and set some boundaries with her.

^This.

Sorry, that was probably a bit shorter than I intended.

I get it’s frustrating and she just wants to have a meaningful conversation with your dd. My ds drives me nuts sometimes when he doesn’t answer a simple question, and you can largely only have a proper conversation about whatever video game he’s playing, but he can’t help it and I know this. I absolutely wouldn’t have any truck with my parents calling him rude though, even if they thought it.