Sensory issues – won't even put a jacket on, help!

[radiantorange]

While we are on the long waiting list for an autism assessment (in Scotland) for my DS who is 5 we have many issues that are sensory related.

He has huge problems with most clothing but once he has accepted it (which can take weeks and months) it's usually fine. he is ok with the school polo but wears grey joggers as trousers… ok with school shoes but not ok with the jumper… it's working for him and school are great about it.

What I'm struggling with is jackets, hats, jumpers and shoes – especially now we're moving into winter. He's outgrown last years winter wear. I've just bought him a new jacket, which I miraculously got him to help pick and try on in the shop (it took 45 minutes). But he won't wear it to school and his current jacket isn't warm enough or rain proof. He will only accept 1 pair of shoes at a time and his current pair let in water and I've had to bin them. He's having trouble with the new pair saying they hurt him and are hard. I spend most nights pinching and rolling them for to try and soften them for him, I tell him they will get softer the more he wears them.

Today I attempted his new jacket and it didn't go well. He then refused the jacket he liked and we could only jet him to walk to school in his t-shirt with quite a few disapproving looks… I should have known it was too soon to try and I feel stupid for it because I triggered a response where he refused his other jacket…

Does anyone in a similar boat have any advice on how to go about working with him to get him to accept stuff, any ideas? If I make him wear something and force him out in it he will scream and cry and beg me to help him get it off or strip off in the street so that's not an option… help!

Not much advice in the here and now I’m afraid, but when there are clothing items and shoes he is happy with I’d be getting a spare and buying in the next size/s up too.

I hope you get some good advice.

Thanks @openupmyeagereyes I've tried this before, but because it can take 6-8 weeks for him to accept something the item is usually sold out in larger sizes… I currently have 3 unworn jackets aged between 3-5 that I need to sell on vented including a Lego/Adidas one my husband bought that cost £60 that he had on for 10 minutes :(

If it makes you feel any better my ds didn't wear his winter coat once last year!

Some things that have worked for us in the past are adapting clothes for the season, so adding linings to tops and trousers to make them warmer. Multiples of the same item in deferent sizes (like open said). Waterproofing shoes (my ds will only wear plimsoll type shoes) so I use hot wax for sealing them. Repairing things where I can instead of changing them, which is easier now he isn't growing out of clothes quite so quickly. Also finding clothes with something exciting on them, so his new coat has a compass on it and he gets excited telling us which direction we're going in when walking places.

At school they use social stories and do work on what is appropriate clothing for the right conditions.

Do you know what it is about the clothes that upsets him? For my ds it's a visual thing mainly but he also really dislikes being overheated, hence the not wanting a jacket on.

I find that if you stick with basics then at shops like M&S and Next you can get the same things year after year, even if the colourways are different. My ds often doesn’t like a heavy coat. A few years ago I bought him an M&S lightweight padded jacket which he’s worn most days that aren’t freezing cold. I got it a size bigger and it lasted 2-3 years. I just bought him a new one, exactly the same just a slightly different colour. likewise I’ve bought him cotton jumpers, T-shirts and jeans from Next which are the same year after year.

M&S do a thermal long sleep tshirt (2pack) and leggings which my ds loves, they’re really warm and soft and he likes to use them as PJ’s in the winter but the top could easily be worn in the day and bottoms under trousers too for extra warmth if that was acceptable. They sell these year after year.

I think M&S do an adaptive clothing range still. Maybe that would help?

i could of written your post, i hear you lady. I have a 6 yr old nephew (autistic ) who has very similar sensory need’s to your son. At the start his mum and me used to think it was a phase/ him being annoying. But then we did a whole lot of research. This is what works for us ( i say us as i help out a lot)
1/ find out what he will wear and focus on that. So if he loves a certain kind of superhero tshirt then buy 3 of them and in bigger sizes also.
2/ Next thing let the school know what is going on, cause the last thing you want is their judgement or them ringing SS on you.

3/ dont make hin wear a jacket/coat because he is telling you he dont want to. Lots of kids with sensory issues dont feel the cold/ heat in the same way at NT kids do!
4/ if you ever get any comments from strangers e.g. why isnt he wearing shoes then that you could either ignore them or tell them to mind there own business.

Any more help etc please ask away. Your not alone

M and s do sensory clothing and at good prices too. It’s things like no labels or zips etc. Thanks to that my nephew is able to ware school uniform!

Hi.
When my son was in reception he refused to wear a coat at school for the whole winter. They couldn't get it in him and they had to just let him out in bursts until he got too cold then bring him in. Once my eldest son was crying because he'd seen him with blue lips and he was scared he'd freeze to death. He'd often put on a coat to leave the house, walk round to the park and then take it off as soon as he walked through the gate! Every outdoor thing we did that year was quite brief but he didn't freeze or get ill despite our worries and looks and comments. The next year he wouldn't wear a school shirt and insisted on an orange t-shirt for the whole year, another year we had a fetching white t-shirt and school tie combo. One summer he wouldn't wear shorts, only trousers and we went on a very hot holiday...more worry but he was ok. Now he won't wear t-shirts only vests & shorts - luckily he'll pop on a hoodie and now that he's 10 he's started feeling the temperature more and wearing more appropriate clothing. He wears his school uniform but tries to style it in unusual ways!
Try not to worry too much. He won't freeze...although don't be out for too long just in case! 😂
If he doesn't like school shoes put him in trainers or whatever is comfortable. I don't believe that letting him get away with it will encourage it...he's going to go through phases when he will or won't do something and you won't be able to force him...well, unless it's absolutely essential. Keep trying gently, try various brands and styles, explain things to him, do all the social stories and visual aids and prompts, try you tube videos showing the behaviours you want and then just when you get settled and confident, he'll get over this phase and move onto something else! 😂
All the best xx

This might not work, but you could try buying a dozen coats from charity shops and asking him to tell you which, if any, might be ok and if not why not. Key here - I think - is telling him he can say no to all of them and that is fine.

These people will send you fabric swatches for £1. https://rarebirds.co/products/fabric-swatches-ss2023. Again, it's a way of trying things safely. No coats, but they do hoodies.

I wouldn't buy anything from them. Half of my order was missing and I'm having a nightmare trying to get my money back. I searched around and can find zero reviews. They aren't on trust pilot or anything. I think they must be some kind of scam company. :(

Keep trying. Last year my DS absolutely refused to wear a school jumper whereas this year I can’t get him to take them off. A total 180.

Still takes his shoes off all the time so working on that.