6yo dd appears 'fine in school' but has always had clothing related sensory issues which are worse when she's stressed. She had a period of school refusal after Christmas of around 6 weeks, where she was incapable of wearing clothes. She's undiagnosed but now on a pathway. We suspect ADHD (masking at school) and she has perfectionist tendencies and OCD type behaviours which are also more pronounced when she's anxious about something. She's meeting expectations in everything except handwriting, where she's below. The period of school refusal appeared to coincide with her being put into small group work to improve her handwriting.
It is messy, for her age. But she tries so, so hard to get it 'right' and is certainly not lazy. She voluntarily, without any prompting from us, goes up to her room where she plays 'schools' and practices writing. Her motor skills are otherwise fine. She never argues about doing her spellings and says she enjoys English and writing. She sometimes get some letters back to front.
The other night she mentioned that her teacher (who seems lovely, and dd has really settled in well generally) had a displeased 'tone' when she was writing and she was told it needs to improve. We're trying to support improvements at home in this respect too, so it's not that she doesn't want to improve.
I've messaged the teacher, not to take issue with what dd told me, but more as a general update to say dd seems really happy, and has settled well in her class, but is a perfectionist who struggles a little with her writing. Dyslexia runs in her dad's side of the family, too. I said that she's trying very hard, practicing lots, but she doesn't do well with perceived criticism and comparison herself unfavourably to others.
The reply from the teacher was nice enough, but I don't think she really got it. She said she'd been relaying to the children how important neat handwriting is in Y2, so it was good to hear that dd had been practicing at home. I'm really worried that if this high expectation/ pressure continues then dd will begin having the anxiety meltdowns at home again. The school just don't get it, the senco is worse than useless. I'm aware I'm becoming "that parent" but her school refusal was the worst point in my life so far, and I ended up going off sick from stress at work to focus on getting her better again. The school gave up on support as soon as we got her back to school, and the senco refuses to accept that there is something going on at school, which acts as a trigger.
What should we do?