How to handle obsessive behaviour?

[CherryBomb87]

Hi,

We suspect very strongly my three year old is on the spectrum, just a little, what was called aspergers, but we haven't pushed for any diagnosis just yet - they may yet be typical toddler behaviours.

Regardless, I'm after some advice please. My ds is obsessed with space, specifically the solar system. Every morning we read the solar system book over and over. Then when I finally say no, let's stop now, he setss up the planets (pom poms I made), holds then up and tells me the planets over and over. He does this on the windowsill because of anyone (his sister) touches it he'll go mental.

then I might set up some arts and crafts (today autumn wreaths) and he demands I draw the solar system for him (my one year old also needs my attention, because she's one). I'm happy for him to do something else, I'll give him the Crayons or paint or whatever is appropriate for the activity I originally set up so we're all doing something vaguely similar.

And so the day goes.

My question is, how much do I enable this? When is the right time to say, no, that's enough? Or at the very least, "I'm not going to draw you a solar system, I'm making a wreath with your sister, can you draw it please and I'll help if you get stuck?"

Or am I missing the point completely?

Thank you x

Sorry about all the typos 😳

My DS's are also the Aspergers end of the spectrum and have similar rigidity of interests.
I just allow it at that age to be honest. Your DS will be an expert on space by the time he's at school and he will pick up other interests along the way.
If not talking about or playing the solar system is distressing for him I'd just leave be.

To be honest, the advice I was always given was lean into the special interests but find ways to expand them.

So if he likes the solar system, get him to make the planets from play doh, or get him to experiment mixing different colour paints to get the colours of the plants right. Or buy a book about space flight to stretch the area of interest, teach him about the moon landing etc.

Most autistic kids tend to end up with multiple special interests as they grow and learn more about the world.

My DS was obsessed with doors as a toddler, this then expanded into bus and train doors, which led to a major love of public transport in general, which led to a sub-interest in underground railway systems, which led to an interest in the mechanics of escalators and lifts

He also loves commercial airlines and likes to categorise planes by their livery/branding, which led to an interest in national flags.

You get the idea. It will gradually expand out...

My 9 yr old ds is also obsessed with the solar system. He knows more than any adult. His knowledge is ridiculous.

I just think if it’s not harming anyone then let it be.

I understand that if you are doing something with your dd you can’t just drop it to draw the solar system for him, so I would say something like, if you don’t want to make autumn wreaths, that’s fine, but your sister wants to make them so you can draw your planets but I’m going to help dd with this activity.

Or you sit and look through your solar book while i help sister with this etc,

One other thing, does he have to do the activity you and your other dc are doing with you saying you like everyone to do something vaguely similar. My ds would be bored shitless if it was something I chose for him.

Also could set a timer for the morning for the solar system book you read, 5/10 mins whatever you think is appropriate, when the timer finishes the book is finished. You can buy sand timers, digital timers, use your timer on your phone etc.

Whether he's NT or ND the advice is always to lean into the interest. Space is a good one too - there are a ton of books, ideas, toys. So it's relatively easy to expand out.

If it is autism then it is likely to be an expression of different cognitive processing structures (see for instance the theory of monotropism and single focus Vs multi focal attention tunnels).

If it autism it is a question of valuing and working with this; it comes with great strengths. And if you respect it, you can help reduce stress. I'm not sure I follow the idea that one reaches a point where one does not 'allow' other humans to function cognitively in a way which is normal for them?

Then you have misunderstood what I wrote. I was suggesting to OP that she indulge DS special interest. 'Allowing' him rather than moving him onto another topic.

Leaning into his interests is good. Ultimately, refusing to do so is more likely to create frustration and dysregulation than nudge him into appreciating other interests.

Buy new books on the solar system, or take him to the library to choose some to mix it up a bit. A combination of factual and story books, poems etc. are all good. You can get endless make a solar system type activities in lots of different mediums. Like pp’s have said, it’s likely to branch out naturally.

All the above advice is good. My 3 year old is a similar profile. His special interest is transport and especially transport systems, though there are a few more that have branched off (lifts, signs). We lean in and then expand eg "I'll make a playdough bus and now I'm going to make some playdough cakes so the passengers can come to the bakery." Sometimes he follows and sometimes he doesn't. Either is fine. Would he let you make a rocket to go to the playdough planet? Could he make a Saturn ring wreath?

You can definitely experiment with limiting time with timers. An SLT recommended a "spot timer" where you need to manipulate the time a bit - it's got five spots on and you or DS takes them off to count the time down. Visuals are good to help reinforce.

We've also had success with when/then statements as little kids and ND kids often struggle with time so "in five minutes" doesn't mean anything. So instead, "when I've made an autumn wreath, then I'll draw with you." And a now and next visual strip can help, too.

But not at another age?

@Traverseedubosphore I don't follow. At any age. Do you have any constructive advice to help the OP or are you going to spend all day quoting and questioning me? I have 20 years experience with PDA, ADHD, ASD and Tourettes Syndrome in my children, so kindly, I do not need to read up on the theory of monotheism nor spend my time answering your strange questions when I simply advised the OP that a fixed interest was just fine. smiles sweetly.

Thank you all for your help, there's some really useful advice here and some things for me to look up.

I assure you all, we spend a lot of time on his special interests, it dominates most of our time when we're at home, we go to the Planetarium often, he has a solar system poster, several books, wall stickers and I've built a solar system out of pom poms and so on.

For those that have asked why I can't just let him focus on his special interest - it's as simple as, I've got two children and if he dominates 100% of my time, it isn't fair on my daughter. He is 3, she is 1 - I do need to be able to do activities with her without him having a scale 11 meltdown because she's wandered off with saturn or because mars has rolled off the windowsill.

I don't expect to be able to divide my time equally, I think it's better to accept they have different needs as do all children, but it's important she has her needs meet as well x

Thank you for recognising the balance of two children, this is really helpful. He is almost always by my side so if I get pens out, he wants to draw (wants me to draw), but maybe I can have some stickers or his space book on hand so there's something he can do differently but with us.

He's welcome to do independent play or whatever he wants, but he won't leave my side.

Cherry your question was ‘should I let my child focus on his special interests’ not ‘should I ignore my 1yo to focus on my other child’s special interests with him’. Of course you need to spend time with your youngest, no one would say otherwise.

It’s not easy with two, I hope you can find some balance. Hopefully it becomes easier as your eldest gets older.

Thank you, this is really helpful - he does well with visual timers. I'll have a look into that x

Thank you, this is really helpful and actually we took him to the library yesterday on your advice to get more space books. It didn't go well (he had a meltdown because he wanted to take his book home, while we tried to explain yes, we are taking the book home, would you like to carry it - toddlers 😂) but we'll try again because I think he'll understand with repetition.

My original question was:

how much do I enable this? When is the right time to say, no, that's enough? Or at the very least, "I'm not going to draw you a solar system, I'm making a wreath with your sister, can you draw it please and I'll help if you get stuck?"

Perhaps I wasn't as clear as I could be but I think my understanding of what thw actual challenges are is only just emerging.

Thank you - we got lucky with space,
I've learned more in the last year than I have in the previous 38!

Wow, that sounds amazing!

Thank you for your words, it's really helped

That's really useful, I'll definitely knock up some play doh and try - we've just got sand art and he reluctantly made a rocket before we drew the solar system 😂

Thank you, that's really good advice - at this point I think he could give Brian Cox a run for his money 😂

Thank you, I'll look up the theory of monotropism and single focus Vs multi focal attention tunnels!