need more advice AGAIN

[bonkerz]

You know when you are so bogged down with stuff that you cant see the wood for the trees. Im at that point. I dont know what to do for the best. I dont know if im a shit mum or if im doing more harm than good by pushing for what i think DS needs.

I wont bore you all with repeating story again! Point of post is this really...

DS still at PRu, no diagnosis and appointment not till 18th to discuss report from CAMHS. 3 weeks ago i pushed for DS to be reintergrated into MS despite being told he wasnt ready. DH and I are now almost certain we want DS to attend different MS school that has more experiance with children like DS and also has a specialist autistic unit attached to it. Even if DS doesnt get diagnosis and cannot access the unit the MS has children with mild autistic traits and becasue of the unit has ALOT of knowledge of these issues and we feel DS has a better chance of acceptance and success at this MS school. We have discussed him going to this school and have agreed to wait till diagnosis is confirmed so we know to enrol in MS part or UNIT part....are you managing to keep up???

Problem is that PRu have now informed me that DS will attend his old MS for 2 hours on Friday as i had asked. AFAIK he will have no support from PRU unit and im supposed to just take him to reception at 9am. NOW.. I know i pushed for this but in light of new research we have done and also of the fact that DS has had NO contact with this school since beginning of Jan should i send DS there on Friday even though i know he wont be going back there and that i know he will feel very anxious and worried about it. I also worry it will be too much for the staff at the MS. Ds has started to kick teahcing staff at the PRu and they are currently at a loss as to how to get him to stop as all efforts to discipline have failed so im concerned DS will use this in MS which would be even worse.

Obviously i know DS is going to struggle emotionally, behaviourally and socially by attending on friday BUT part of me thinks its a necessary evil to help prove this MS is not going to cope and also to prove that even with the full time statement DS is still going to struggle in MS without specialist help. The head of current MS has agreed that if she really feels like DS would be better in unit school (she has said he would be numerous times) that she herself will appeal the statement.

so what would you do. Cruel to be kind or protect?????

I think you're going to be cruel to be kind, so you feel you've done all you can to plead your case for DS to go to the school with the unit.

thansk TC. I just need to hear im doing the right thing. Also partly out of pride i feel i cannot go back on the reintergration thing seeing as i made such a fuss abou it!

I think the cruel to be kind thing as well but I know it feels yuck. He might be fine in which case great or if he isn't, as you have rightly pointed out, it will add substance to your case.

Presumably the school will provide him with support?

i really have not got a clue what is happening on friday TBH and i know i should ring up to find out BUT im not really strong enough right now to talk to head or PRU about things. Apparently ive just got to drop DS off at school at 9am. I dont know if someone from PRU will be there to meet him or if head is expecting him and will provide the support. I dont know what time he will need picking up or if i am expected to stay with him. I dont know anything and DS was surprised when i said he was going back to school for a little while on friday so PRu have not mentioned it to him either!

So DS went to his MS on Friday. We were met at office by Dep Head who told me everyone was very apprehensive about DS returning that day. He did have a full time support from PRU and apparently he did really well in class and concentrated well and managed a proper game in playground with his 'friends' because PRU helper was there to referee IYKWIM. I did have to pick him up at 11.30 so he only did 2 and a half hours and he was happy enough when he came home. Now i dont know what to do! maybe i should send him back to this Ms with the full time support it may well work. Or do i move him somewhere i know will be better long term? Its so hard being mum at the moment

I'm glad he did well bonkerz Ds would never cope in MS without his fulltime 1:1 and even with it he struggles. At the moment i feel that MS is the best place for him though. Hopefully that won't change but there is a possibility that we may need to look at a special school once he moves to secondary school.

Moving school was absolutely the right decision for my ds as his current school are so much more willing and able to support him than his old school who made it clear they didn't want him there.

i Think i agree that MS is best place for DS emotionally and socially, Its that big bhaviour problem that makes me think his current PM will just not cope even with full time support. I dont even think its about DS coping really i think its about tollerance and i dont think his current MS have any of that left and i dont blame them really.
The new mainstream is already coping and succededing with children on the autistic spectrum and becasue they have the autistic unit attached to the school awareness of the spectrum is already high and i think tolerance goes along with that. I want a place where DS can fit in and appear 'normal with a few problems' and not appear as the naughty boy IYKWIM

I know exactly what you mean as thats what i want for my ds too It sounds as though you have already decided that the other school will be a better place for him than his current school.

I know exactly what you mean as thats what i want for my ds too It sounds as though you have already decided that the other school will be a better place for him than his current school.

On paper it all makes sense but im worried im screwing it all up!

have you visited the other school and had a chat with the SENCo?

i have visited the unit and plan to visit the school tomorrow or thursday, am just waiting for them to call me back!

well am heading off to view the other mainstream school tomorrow morning. Am armed with a list of questions which look really silly on paper but will make DSs life alot easier for example... will ds be allowed to be in first sitting for lunch as if he is used to eating as close to 12 as possible and if this is changed it can cause tantrums...and will DS be made to sit through assemblies?!?
On paper the list makes me look like a precious mum but im really not!
Had chat with SENCO today from current MS who said she had some major issues with DSs statement and was arranging to meet with case worker to discuss these issues. She also said they had had their funding issued already for the next year and that they would seriously struggle to provide the statemented hours. We have also figured out why we have been given 31.5 hours and not FULL TIME at 32.5 hours...apparently in leicestershire when a child has 32.5 statemented hours it enables the school to access an enhanced funding package...so it looks like the LEA are again being sneaky but trying to pretend they are helping so appeal to final statement will be on the case workers desk next week.

visited the school again and i must say i was impressed with the mainstream. they have alot of floating staff who are on hand for children who need it. they understand the desparate need for strict routine and minimal disruption to a childs day. They are tolerant of unacceptable behaviour and are aware that children like DS take along time to learn strategies to be able to function. The head himself has a child with aspergers and we were chatting about how DS if G&T but cannot grasp how to tell the time and he said his son was the same! They firmly believe that if a child presents a need then that needs should be met regardless of statement or daignosis which is amazing to hear from a MS school and i met 2 children who have ASD and no statement BUt have full time 1:1 support provided by the school.

We really just need to wait for tuesday now really and then make a final decision. the only down side is it is likely to be a class of 35 children in yr4 BUT im hoping that because DS will have a full time support and that the head said there will be atleast another 3 LSA plus the teacher in the class that it shouldnt be too bad for DS.

Holy sheet,

Talk about setting him up to fail.

Sending him back to his old school with no support no help nothing.

They almost seem to want him to view school as a place to fail.

Stick to your guns and hang out for the school with better support.

Before now we have refused to send a child into school if there was not adequate support and cited that as the ground for non attendance.

Good luck.

The school sounds great bonkerz.

bonkerz - I think the school you visited sounds good, like they have a good attitude towards making inclusion work. I would be very unhappy that the current m/s school is already making noises about not being able to fulfil the statement requirements.