How do I fill this void?

[wwwat]

We recently received information that our younger DC is also most likely autistic. It was so obvious, really... but I didin't want to end up here again! And now feel completely broken.
I can't process the fact that I have two children, but I wouldn't experience typical motherhood with either of them, which my heart still longs for! I don't even feel like I feel most of what other mothers usually feel. When I'm around other (NT) children, the desire to have children hits me just as strongly as if I didn't already have two.
Has anyone else felt this way? What helped? I feel so much bitterness right now.

I have sometimes wondered how life would be with a NT child but I don’t know any different, and all the NT children I know have different challenges, which may not be related to disability, they may be different issues but they are still problems they are struggling to overcome.

My son has several disabilities, my nephew does have severe autism. I have seen my sister mourn the child she didn’t have to find solace, a few years later, in knowing that despite DN’s challenges, issues, little obsessions, etc he is a generally, and particularly, a very happy guy.

💐

I have felt similar feelings after DC1 was diagnosed. I am currently expecting DC2 and I know I will feel similar to you if DC2 eventually gets a diagnosis.
I think it’s like a grieving period you have to get through, I have found talking it through in great detail with a therapist has helped me so much. I never realised how much there was to go through! I know therapy isn’t for everyone but for me personally it’s been a huge help. I am dealing with the situation a lot better now, there’s still incidents which can have an effect on me and I’ll feel upset about the typical parenting experience that I haven’t had, but it’s a lot more manageable and I feel I can deal with it.
Getting a diagnosis is a lot to process even if you have been through it before. Make sure you are kind to yourself x

Hello , How are things now ?

@wwwat
Hi , just thought I'd see how your getting on ? X