Autistic five year old refusing school

[Edamfan]

Hi all,

My ds was playing with some other children (same age) last week when they pushed him onto his front and kicked his back. He also grazed his arm in the incident. The children involved were sent to the head immediately.

Monday and Tuesday this week on the way to school he has been saying his arms and legs ache and he doesn’t feel well enough to go into school. I reassure him that he’ll be able to sit down and rest when he gets there but he won’t have it. He is fine when he wakes up, has his breakfast etc, it is just going to school when the refusal starts. He is pretty strong, more like a 7 year old, and I struggle to lift him. It is awful watching him going in screaming and crying.

He was ok the first week of school so I assume it is the incident last week that is causing this.

Any advice appreciated please. If he puts up much more resistance I physically won’t be able to get him there as he is so strong.

He only recently received a diagnosis of autism so quite new to the best strategies of helping him.

TIA.

That sounds so stressful for you all.

Notfineinschool.co.uk is a useful community to link up with.

Might also help to establish if what happened was an accident (lots of kids running around, stuff happens) or intentional.

If intentional then 'being sent to head' really isn't enough. What plan do school have to make sure this won't happen again? Has your DS got a safe space to go, or a safe adult to hang out with? Something like a pass to go to the library, or a nurture group or....

I wouldn't want to go back to a job where someone pushed me over and kicked me!

What support is the school currently providing? How are they keeping DS safe going forward? Would arriving/leaving school 5/10 mins earlier/later via a quieter entrance help? Do they have a key worker that can meet him each morning? Can DS communicate if there are other things he is finding difficult/dislikes about school? Does he have an EHCP?

Even if you could physically force DS to attend, that wouldn’t be a good idea and can lead to trauma longer term.

If it becomes clear DS can’t attend school, the LA has a duty to ensure he receives an education when it becomes clear he will miss 15 days.

Thank you both for the responses. I will have a look at notfineinschool, @SusiePevensie I need to get more information on what the school is putting in place to deal with it, they have volunteered minimal info so far.
@OvertakenByLego thank you, so far it’s been the teacher and I manhandling him in, which is just awful. I will speak to the senco and see if he can come in at a different time/via a different entrance. He doesn’t have an EHCP - the LA/senco don’t believe we shouldn’t apply as he shouldn’t need over 15 hours a week 1:1. That is useful to know about the 15 day rule, thank you. Keeping him off school would be a last resort but we’ll just have to see how things go.

Have a look at some of the information linked on this webpage:

https://schools.westsussex.gov.uk/Page/10483

Unfortunately school avoidance is common in autistic children for many reasons. Bullying and feeling unsafe is one of them.

https://attwoodandgarnettevents.com/school-refusal-by-professor-tony-attwood/

School need to work to regain your son’s trust that they can keep him safe.

You and the SENCO manhandling DS in like that is unlikely to solve the issue and may well cause further problems.

If this continues I would consider requesting an EHCNA yourself. Unfortunately, some school do tell parents one isn’t required but parents go on to successfully apply themselves even if they have to appeal. DS not being able to attend school/or only make it in if physically restrained is a reason to apply.

Just to say thank you for the further responses @openupmyeagereyes and @OvertakenByLego Sorry for delay in update - find it hard to write and respond when stressed. Really appreciate your advice and links.
We had similar today. He said the boys had hurt him again but then refused to say any more. He said he doesn’t have any friends at school 😢. His eating has got really bad as well - refusing all dinners at home, even things he previously liked.

I think I will look at the EHCP forms again. I read a news story about a private company working with local authorities to reduce the number of EHCPs - unfortunately my LA is one of them…
I was looking at this amazing secondary school for autistic boys near us and was thinking how perfect it would be for him when he’s bigger. Unfortunately one of their admissions criteria is having an EHCP!!

Sorry it’s happened again Edamfan, are school aware? Is he in year 1? If so how did last year go?

Yes, you almost always need an EHCP to access a specialist provision. Have you already applied for an EHCP or starting to look at it now?

Secondary school is a way off. In the meantime it does seem like the school is failing your DS. Have they said anything about how they are keeping him safe?

Try not to worry about the news of reducing EHCPs by 20%. The law has not changed, so whilst you may need to appeal you shouldn’t let it put you off. On their website IPSEA has a model letter you can use to request an EHCNA.

There are some special schools who accept self funding parents, but many have very expensive fees. Having said that, it’s far too soon to be looking at secondary, that school may not even be open then.

Well the teacher was just dismissive. Next stop SENCO.

Sorry missed your questions @openupmyeagereyes
he is year 1, reception wasn’t too bad…he had a really great teacher, lots of time in small groups working on emotional learning etc and the class was much smaller. The new class is a mixed class with more kids.
We did apply for an EHCP at nursery but were refused an EHCNA. Someone suggested not appealing it as at the time we didn’t have a diagnosis. Wish I had appealed now.

Request another EHCNA. Unfortunately you were badly advised, you don’t need a diagnosis. EHCPs are based on needs.

@OvertakenByLego thank you. I will now. I think I will write a diary of what’s going on plus the associated food refusal etc so I can provide a really full picture.

Diary is an excellent idea and will be v helpful evidence for a needs assessment as well as hopefully showing any particular patterns or triggers.

My gorgeous DS did ok in Reception and then the wheels came off big time when he moved to Y1.

The biggest thing I've learned is that the best thing I can do as a parent is listen carefully to my children, and stand firm on their behalf if and when school is using an approach which is detrimental. If the school is decent, they may tut a bit and roll eyes but they will listen to you and adapt their approach. If you get a defensive, rigid response from the school - look at other options