Giving birth, childcare and autism

[Noorandapples]

I'm about to give birth, and trying to find out what other parents have done in regards to childcare for the other kids. My toddler is autistic, non verbal, occasionally bites and is going through an awful poo smearing phase. Naturally most people I know are saying they can't help because they can't handle him.

One older in law (who BTW has made it clear she doesn't like me and will blank me in public) has offered, but only at her house, not ours and I'm worried. He doesn't really see her much and it's an unfamiliar house.

Would it make more sense for my husband to stay with him while I'm giving birth in the hospital? I feel so bad for him missing the birth, but I can't think of another option. Unfortunately home birth can't happen for medical reasons.

Any advice welcome!

Would someone else be able to support you through the birth?

When are you due? Is there time to slowly try to build a relationship (e.g. seeing them for a short time each day between now and giving birth) with the in law and see how it goes, with you around initially? If there isn’t time or it doesn’t work then I think DH needs to care for DC.

Unfortunately in the next few days, I think it's going to have to be DH too, but we're butting heads on it a bit. He really wants to be there understandably.
And no, no other support unfortunately. My biggest hope is that it will just be a quicker labour this time and if he is being babysat it won't be for too long.
It's such a shame, we had a trusted family member lined up who suddenly had to travel abroad!

I’m sorry you don’t have any suitable options. Whatever you decide I hope the birth goes smoothly for you and you’re home quickly.

Thank you!

We had childcare lined up for DS1 (ASD) for me going into labour but unfortunately both DH and I had COVID so childcare options completely fell through. I did end up giving birth alone but thankfully it was a very quick labour and it really was fine. Good luck with what you decide. It will work out.

What do you think you would be most comfortable and relaxed with? For me, i would prefer to have ds and dh at home where i know hes safe and looked after so i dont have to give him a second thought.

Happily a friend who is usually not about kids at all offered to help, he's been brilliant and my husband was able to be with me while I had my daughter! He rushed home afterwards to relieve friend and we've just slept!

Congratulations, enjoy your new baby.

Thank you!

Congratulations.