DS ADHD and violence towards me

[Reepicheepy]

My DS has various diagnosis ( ADHD/anxiety/OCD/ODD). He is now 11 and just started a small specialist school ( he is able to access mainstream curriculum but can’t handle large high school etc).

I have attended many many parenting courses, paid for and got him support, spent all my time and savings on getting him an ehcp and into this school.

He has always been verbally and physically violent primarily to me but also his younger brother. The physical violence got somewhat better over time but obviously flares up particularly when he is stressed. He can also be very cruel.

I am unwell today and he has just attacked me very aggressively and really hurt me. It was because I was trying to help him get ready for football.

I know he is stressed with starting a new school but I just feel like I can’t do this anymore. I’m a single parent and he dominates my life, I feel like I’m trapped in a house ( he won’t be left with anyone) with someone who abuses me. I’m also increasingly worried for my younger child.

I can’t even see or find positive moments anymore.

I’ve tried to get help with this but no one seems really bothered. Does anyone have any suggestions of what to try?

Even if you can’t leave your eldest with anyone, does your youngest have aunties / uncles / family friends who can take him out for respite?

Also, it’s the first week back so this is probably a real pinch point. Not much comfort today, but hopefully he’ll settle in.

Wish I could help more.

Is DS medicated for his ADHD? If his anxiety is severe some find meds help for that too.

Does DS’s EHCP include therapies and other support? Speak to the school, they should want to support easing the transition as much as possible.

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment by the disabled children’s team for DS.

For younger DC, contact your local young carer’s service. Sibs can support too.

Some people find Yvonne Newbold’s strategies and Ross Greene’s book The Explosive Child helpful.

Thanks both for replying.

He is medicated but only takes it during the week as he is extremely thin and medication means he doesn’t eat at all. Am actually about to try tweaking his meds with his paediatrician because of this.

Yes we were assessed by social care as part of the EHCP but they assessed as no needs. Tbf therapies at school should start soon and I agree I knew this period would be particularly difficult.

Ive tried to access support for my younger DS but for some reason in this borough nearly all the support services are restricted to families with an ASD diagnosis. I don’t have any family and closets friends have kids with SEN themselves so not really anyone to give youngest a break. I’ve tried talking to the school about youngest but isn’t really anything they can offer. Will try young caters again for him.

Think I was just shocked earlier as it’s been a while since he really hurt me physically - he occasionally lashes out but it’s usually largely controlled as to not hurt or he throws something just near me. It’s mainly verbal abuse these days. He really went for me today though.

Request social care assessments again (Contact has model letters you can use on their website) and complain if you aren’t provided with adequate support. If you ever appeal the EHCP you can request social care provision is looked at too.

Young carer’s service shouldn’t be restricting to families with an ASD diagnosis. If you are refused I would escalate that. If you are refused, Kids is a good place for support.

What about a group like cubs or beavers? Where you can drop DS2 off?