Where to start to being a better parent

[Kalodi]

DS recently diagnosed with ASD and I feel like we have been left in the dark.

Where do we turn to learn how to create the best home environment for him?

I have ADHD and am feeling absolutely shit as I was thinking he had that too and feel pretty clueless about ASD.

I'm freaking out because everything online says about structure and routine and I'm absolutely shit at that.

How old is ds? He may have ADHD too if they haven’t specifically assessed for that.

Give yourself some grace for anything you think you’ve done ‘wrong’ and remember that your child is unique.

I think his age and a little information about anything he struggles with would help inform any recommendations

@openupmyeagereyes openupmyeagereyes is he only 6 , going into Year 2 (which I'm dreading, starts tomorrow and already his anxiety is high)

He struggles to stay still, only likes doing things he is interested in, doodles a lot at school, avoids demands, has sensory issues, doesn't really understand social situations. But he is hugely empathetic, has a keen sense of justice and has a wonderful imagination and is really clever

Ok. Does he have an EHCP already?

No, he was only diagnosed last week.

School haven't been supportive really. Well his class teacher was, she was amazing. But SENCO and Head Teacher weren't, just happy to label him as naughty.

Try to be kinder to yourself. There can be considerable overlap between ASD and ADHD. They can also be co-morbid. You haven’t done anything wrong. You recognised DS’s needs, had an assessment and he has a diagnosis.

While many DC with ASD need routine and structure, it doesn’t work for all. Think about what DS needs. Has DS had a sensory OT assessment? Do you have any sensory equipment at home? Do you have a trampoline (many find this helps)? Some find the book The Out of Sync Child helps. Some people find PDA strategies helpful when DC struggle with demands - the PDA society can be a good place to start for these. Some also find Ross Greene’s book The Explosive Child and Yvonne Newbold’s resources helpful. As you can see, what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for others.

The school should be providing support. Support in schools is based on needs, not diagnosis, so they should have already been doing this. I would request a meeting with the SENCO. Follow up any verbal conversations with an email, so you have a paper trail as evidence in case you need it. Often, if school is easier, home life improves too. You can request an EHCNA yourself if you want - IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

Scope offer mentoring to parents of DC recently diagnosed.

If you aren’t already receiving DLA, apply for that. The Cerebra guide is helpful when completing the form.

There’s no right or wrong way, there’s no one size fits all. I have two children both ASD and ADHD. They are completely different in a sense of needs with home environment. We got our boys diagnosed and the support ended there. However, depending on where you live there are support groups and talks ect to get information to help. Saying that if you also have adhd i know the information can seem overwhelming. I think the thing to remember is, we are all winging it. I go to bed sometimes and cry myself to sleep through worry about their futures and coping with life ect but kids are resilient and they sometimes lead the path in what to do. Too many changes in the home could cause upset for you and for him. My children both have EHCP’s and attend specialist school. Which helped with how they behaved in the home because school life was much easier for them being amongst peers with the same (but different) needs. I love the fact that you feel clueless but you’ve already made a choice to reach out, that shows strength to do so. When you find something that works write it down keep notes, in my experience something that works now might only work for 6 months and then it will change again. Keep reaching out you’ve got this! X