Managing eating out with a child with Autism

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How do you manage ?

We want to sometimes go out to eat but our 4 y o has very significant SEN, our other dc enjoy going out to eat but haven’t in a long time as it can be very stressful.

Does anyone have any tips? Other than me and dh eat as fast as we can so we can focus on dd or one of us doesn’t eat and is there just to distract/help / go outside when dd has a meltdown etc?
I worry we will really annoy other people as well ?
Maybe one of us should take the dc and the other stays at home with dd but then she’s not getting any experiences?

I know myself if I was out and a person with disabilities was loud etc I’d understand as have experience of it but I’m so anxious that people who don’t may say something and I’m just not feeling strong enough to deal with that. Equally though I’m fed up of being stuck in and the other dc missing out

Generally we don’t eat out with DS1 because he can’t cope. Most of the time either one of us takes other DC or we go when DS1 is at respite. I suppose DS1 does miss out, but he can’t cope so wouldn’t get anything from it anyway and he doesn’t see it as missing out.

This is sort of what I’m thinking that will dd even get anything out of it or should we try these new experiences ? But if they go wrong it’s goes really wrong 😞

I think only you can really know/decide whether the concerns about it being challenging with/for your DD outweigh the benefits it could bring your family. If you think it's something you really want to try and make work, then think about how you could try it out in a way that would minimise the challenges and maximise the chance of it being successful.

For example, on Sunday I went out for lunch out with my DS. I chose a chain restaurant that I knew had plenty of space and went at a time that wouldn't be super busy. I have in the past called ahead and requested a booth that was tucked out of the way a bit to give DS some space he could move in without bothering other customers. I made sure I knew what I wanted to eat from the menu beforehand so there wasn't lots of time/faffing over chosing, and they have a kids menu that I knew would suit DS. That includes a starter that comes almost immediately after ordering, so there's not much waiting around, and I order DS's pudding while I am still eating my main. I also ask them to bring the bill as soon as they deliver his pud, so I can have it paid and we can leave pretty soon after we've finished eating.

It's not how I'd manage a meal out if I wasn't thinking about DS's needs, but it makes it a successful activity for us - I get to enjoy my meal without having to rush/micromanage DS while also eating, and he enjoys the experience. It's also exposure and a building block for the future so that hopefully one day we will be more able to eat out in the way other families would!

i agree with PP I terms of managing.

Here’s a few thoughts off the top of my head. Probably over lap with others.

• go early so DC not too tired or too hungry
• Ask to sit somewhere that suits you. A table with a big window is best for us. Sometimes you can leave notes when booking.
• get the biggest table you can do there is lots of space. I have to clear everything eg glasses, salt&pepper out of the way.
• big chains can absorb any cost - I feel less guilty if something gets broken or messy. They’re used to quick tidy ups.
• be clear about his needs - don’t be shy to say can I have extra / more / less / faster. Most places are accommodating.
• be ready to skip pudding / make a swift exit. Promise your other kid a McFlurry or something to make up for it.

in terms of noise (happy noises) and mess; I try to think about it as a disability issue. If they don’t support his access then it is discrimination.

No one has ever said anything to me / DH. Sometimes I think someone will, but not yet. Just have a couple of lines ready in your head ‘I’m doing my best’ ‘Disabled kids deserve family outings too’.

If he has a meltdown - just leave. If there’s two adults, one take the kid out and one pay. Not much fun, but at least you tried.

Thankyou so much for the advice, I think my anxiety is just taking over but there are some really good ideas I will definitely try

Our 5 year old son is autistic......eating out, holidays, days out are very difficult. I take anything I can get him to watch or play on, switch, phone etc. It seems to help for a short while. Long enough to inhale my food anyway lol.

I order for everything to come together and pay upfront, so we can just get up and leave at any point. Bring quiet things for the child to do. I usually order a variety of foods for my son and myself - often side dishes, from kids and adult menu - then he takes what he wants and I finish up the rest, which allows us to both get something appropriate to eat: if I want a specific ‘adult’ meal (mixed up ingredients, spicy etc) I have it as takeaway at home on another occasion, not during a shared meal out. In general, I actually try to keep eating out largely to shorter ‘dessert only’ trips for practicing how to do cafes/restaurants, and eat from safe foods kept at home/in the hotel room - divorce nutrition/logistics from ‘having a trip to eat out’ as far as possible to reduce demands.