ADHD - called out today

[happygelfling]

DD was diagnosed with ADHD (impulsive & hyperactive type) in July. I'm learning that I'm still coming to terms with this! She starts secondary school next week.
Today we were in our village twice-annual craft fair and the lovely lady at one stall where we bought some things gave me her card; she offers some workshops where we can learn a bit about her craft. She kindly said something like, "I'm from a family with neurodiversity too, I'm not phased by including neurodiverse children in my workshops."

I felt like crying. I'm not sure whether I was desperately embarrassed, or desperately grateful for her understanding. Perhaps both.
I'm not sure what I hope to get from posting here, but I feel slightly lost at sea.
DD starts secondary school on Monday and I think maybe we are all a bit overwhelmed.
Any advice or words of encouragement welcome.

There's still a stigma against ND people so it can feel crushing (been there!) But there shouldn't be and things are getting better. And it's important for ND people to find each other - look into Damian Milton's double empathy idea - so if your kid can be recognised easily as ND that's a good thing, not a bad one.

Ahhh, she was only diagnosed a few weeks ago, give yourself a break! It's really hard to know where to start especially when (if it's anything like ASD) you get a diagnosis and then you're just left to get on with it.

One thing I would do is to make sure that school are aware of her diagnosis asap. It might even be worth saying you feel totally overwhelmed and would it be possible to set up a meeting with the SENCO to talk about her behaviour and needs. How is she feeling about starting secondary school? How did she find primary school? Did she have anything in place there to help her cope? I would also say, don't assume any of her teachers will be aware of her diagnosis even if you tell school - IME the information doesn't always filter down.

Thank you both for the lovely supportive messages.

Thanks for suggesting the Damian Milton double empathy idea which I haven't come across before. I've just watched a couple of you tube videos and although the videos focused on autism, it makes a lot of sense for ADHD too. And I have a friend whose ND DD with went to uni last year who now seems to be in a friend group who are all ND - it makes a lot of sense. My DD is worried about making friends at secondary school. They have a SEN room where ND kids can hang out, so I suggested she could make some friends there. I didn't realise there was a scientific theory to support my suggestion! 🙂

Thanks for suggesting taking to the SENCO. I went to a parents evening for new y7 at the end of last term and had a really good chat with the SENCO. She came across really well. I've sent her everything we know about the diagnosis including what her y6 teacher wrote about her observations. It seems like our secondary school have a great approach, though the proof of the pudding will be in the eating...

Primary school were a bit rubbish if I'm honest. DD's y6 teacher was wonderful and very supportive; she wrote her observations for the assessment process, and she made accommodations in the classroom (fidget toys, movement breaks, etc). But the school management and SENCO were totally disinterested. DD is bright and not disruptive, so they had much more challenging children to manage... We went private for the assessment and diagnosis, partly for speed and partly because school wouldn't support a referral. (The GP was great too and, although clearly non-expert, was supportive and provided a referral letter.)

I think that now DD has a diagnosis and she understands that being ND is what is different about her, she's stopped masking in public where she feels safe. She intends to mask in the classroom (from what she was saying yesterday) so that she can fit in and make friends.

It's a lot to navigate and I feel exhausted. But DD must be going through a lot more.

Thanks again for your understanding. ❤️

The lady at the craft stall sounds lovely, if dd is interested then take her up on her offer.

I think that once you understand and have experience of neurodiversity it’s easier to spot in the wild, it doesn’t mean someone with no experience would have necessarily noticed anything about your dd.

The more people feel they are able to reach out without fear of offending others the more support parents and nd individuals will be able to access and it won’t feel such a lonely journey.

That lady at the craft stall sounds lovely.

Regarding starting secondary school; I’d try to build a relationship with the form tutor. They will see DD every morning so are important in settling her into the day. Also will be likely to hear first if there are any teething problems.