Inattentive ADHD DD age 13-14 Social/ Friends

[perrieFlora]

Hi

Hoping for some advixe. DD doesnt like people knowing anout her inattentive aDHD and have no support / similar friends parents and dont know her friends parenfs well enough to ask them.

Shes sociable, pretty, wears all the labels to fit in (me) but has odd/ immature inferests (dragons, cats) and is more like an 11y old than a soon going to Year 9

Problem:

• doesnf have a group of female friends. Sole hobby friends across other form groups
• has no friends in forms (set seating & doesnt bother her). Moved form to be with friend the SENCO warned us was controlling, did anyway then fell out (friend wanted her not to speak to ofhers)
• been invited to no birthdays all yr (except one where Im friends with mother)
• she initiates all socials eg coffee on high st (live in London and walking distance). Nobody invites her to anything
• other parents dont contact me to arrange things (perhaps normal for yr8/9?)

Reason for post is she volunteer at stables with anotjrr girl who keeps messing her around and not coming and think that friendship is ending

Then my DD bought gifts for a male and female friend who joth have birthdays this week and I txt the girl mother (DD thinks her bff) but this bff is spending tomorrow witj the birthday boy. And DD clearly not invited. Live nearby wnd she could go bff is Hingarian and v small flat/ not well off but DD wanted to meet in a park (cant do sleepovers)

Do sleepovers / birthdays end age 13/14. Is there a problem here or am I overly worrying? In term time has someone over usually every 3wk or so. Just doesnt seem to be anyone elses #1 / preferred choice! Thanks

Socialising changes as DC get older. Parents are no longer involved in the same way. It wouldn’t be normal for parents to routinely text you to organise things. IME, gifts, sleepovers, birthdays only happen with close friends, rather than wider friends as is the case with younger DC, and even then not in the same way. If DD is happy and socialising I don’t see a problem. Some DC still need support, but the support can change. For example, rather than you texting the birthday girl’s mother, you can support DD to text the birthday girl.

Thanks @OvertakenByLego

On the plus side , no bullying & seems various friends around

Was worried re form, also i didnt grow up in London/city so not sure how much socialising is normal? At this age i had one friend to dinner a term.

Guess the ADHD always makes me paranoid shes missing something (asd traits too) and being excluded. Know many other girls have moved forms too seems quite common.

Do you think not having a female all friends together group is ok! Only have my own experience wnd what I saw in the late 90s to go on!! Thanks

There’s not necessarily anything wrong with not having an all female friendship group. If DD is happy and not being bullied I don’t think there is anything wrong with how much she is socialising.

When my DDs were teens neither had an all female friends group. One has ASD, the other was NT. Conversely, teen DSs are different. DS2 (waiting for a reassessment for ASD) has a large group of male friends, some closer than others. Socialises a lot, they organise it between themselves. DS3 (ASD) has a couple of friends but doesn’t socialise in the same way as DS2 and needs our support to organise things. Finds structured groups/activities and 1:1 easier. DS1 (other complex needs) unfortunately doesn’t have friendships, but that doesn’t upset him.