Impulsiveness - what to do?

[LonelyFlans]

My DS is 8, on the pathway for ASD, ADHD, has sensory processing issues.

He's very impulsive & just completely ignores people telling him to stop, even if he's doing something dangerous. There's nothing wrong with his hearing, I think he just becomes fixated.

I just don't know what to do to help him and keep him (& others) safe.

Two examples - he wanted to help some people move some flags from the ground, took one out, swung it around & only narrowly missed hitting someone in the face with the sharp end because someone else caught it in time. I told him no (wasn't close enough to physically stop him myself and it all happened so quickly) but he just completely ignored me.

Then I caught him spraying bathroom cleaner (the Method brand, so fortunately no bleach, but even so...) around his bedroom "to clean it" he said. A couple of days before he'd tried to do this, I caught him, took it off him, explained why he shouldn't use it (and answered lots of questions so I know he was listening), but it's as if he decided my reasons weren't good enough so did it again! (I asked him if he remembered what he said previously and he says he did).

How can I handle this? I feel like I don't know what he's going to do next, he has no sense of danger and doesn't respond to being told no unless he's physically stopped from doing something

This is really challenging. There could be a number of factors at play as a result of poor executive function: poor impulse control, poor working memory making it difficult to recall information unless prompted, difficulties self-monitoring, difficulties think along sequences of information and therefore being able to anticipate consequences etc etc

On top of this, the '30% rule' with ADHD is that, developmentally, a 9 year old would be closer to a 6 year old in their functional capacity in these areas.

And with ASD comes intensive focus on small areas of interest (monotropism), which, as you say could possibly account for why he cannot easily break focus and switch his attention to adult instruction?

I can't suggest any easy answers, other than to adjust expectations and parenting accordingly, and do what you can to reduce environmental risk. After the event, do what you can to keep reinforcing learning in a supportive and positive way, perhaps using visual prompts if you can?

Have you applied for DLA - it sounds like he needs much more supervision than is typical for his age?

Autism and ADHD organisations have some good resources.

PS. Might be worth consulting a child psychologist to discuss strategies over a couple of sessions if you have the resources to do this privately.

@greyflannel Thank you so much for this - it's really helpful, especially as it gives insight into what factors could be at play.

Closer supervision and locking dangerous items away is the way to go whilst DS’s impulsiveness improves.

Yes I agree, closer supervision is the answer. Someone needs to be close by to support if necessary and possibly revisit what activities you do so they are manageable for him and you as the parent/s.

Cleaning products, medication etc. need to be inaccessible to him at home.

Hopefully it won’t always be like this but you need to set yourselves up for success. In the meantime you practice strategies for self regulation.

Does he attend a mainstream school? How is he there?

Close supervision is sensible and we do it a lot, but sometimes things happen so quickly you can't always physically stop what's happening in time.

Most dangerous things are out of reach, unfortunately he's able to climb to get them if he decides he wants to. We clearly need to find alternative places for them.

He can be like this at school (mainstream) but not to the same extent as they're all supervised all the time.

It isn’t enough to put things out of reach, they need to be locked away, so DS can’t get them even if he climbs.

With your example with the flags, DS needs to not be put in situations like that and if it isn’t possible to avoid such situations he needs within arms reach supervision. So, for example, if it was unavoidable to be around those with the flags as soon as he moved to pick one up he could be intercepted.

I'm m not disagreeing with the principle, but we'd literally walked over to talk to someone next to the flags, another couple of people started taking them down (we hadn't known that would be happening) and he shot over - out of reach - before we'd realised what had happened. Unfortunately it's not always possible to predict a situation.

And some of the times he's fine, so it's easy to let your guard down momentarily.

It's exhausting.

It is exhausting, but we do it because it is necessary to keep DS1 safe. He needs within arms reach care 100% of the time whilst out of the house (for a while he needed that at home too) and for us to be on alert all the time. It sounds like your DS also needs closer supervision and more management of what he is around which is why I posted it.

Thank you - I appreciate all your input.

Question on DLA - my understanding is that you can get it if your child needs more care/supervision as other children of a similar age. Is that right?

I find it difficult to figure out if this is relevant to us as there are times when he's fine but then situations (that I've described) when he's not.

Is there any guidance that might help me here?

Have a look at the Cerebra guide to DLA. Keep a diary for a couple of weeks before you attempt the form. You don't have to do it all in one sitting.

Yes, that’s right. You should apply. I second the Cerebra guide to help complete the form.