Child coping strategies

[xyz111]

Hi

Looking for advice on how to support my DS5, ASD and adhd. If he does something that he feels wrong , eg a wrong line on a drawing, he will get very upset, rip the whole thing up, but then be distraught that his drawing is now ruined. We've had that tonight. He then self-punishes, he's just gone to bed, wouldn't have us read any books, made us turn his favourite nightlight off and take his favourite teddies out the room because "I can have them anymore". It's like he makes himself feel worse about it.

We of course don't tell him off, try and stop him from ripping up his picture, destroying his Lego building etc, but sometimes you can't intervene quick enough. When he's calm, we try to explain that he doesn't need to do that, how we can make it better etc.

Just wondered if anyone had any tips, or if it's something that will generally get better as he gets older?

Oh god that is familiar!

Growth mindset stuff does help. Model failure being ok. 'Silly me, I forgot to get milk!'. Point out role models failing and bouncing back - footballers missing penalties?

Yes, I second modelling making mistakes yourself and ‘catching’ yourself out loud. You don’t need to belabour the point too much, just showing that it happens to everyone and it’s no big deal. Plus labelling emotions and reflective listening.