ASD with PDA and ADHD

[MumUndone]

My almost 5 year old has been diagnosed with the above. Not unexpected but still a bit gutting as I'm worried about what the future will hold for him and for the rest of the family.

He is 'only' level 1 ASD so I know others have it much harder, but it's the PDA aspect I find extremely difficult; we're always walking on eggshells and sometimes it feels like emotional abuse - we're always worried that what we say or do will cause a meltdown, which sometimes goes along with physical aggression, throwing things etc.

We're trying to have clear boundaries for the things that really matter (verbal or physical aggression) whilst letting other things slide, as that was what his paediatrician advised. It does help to a certain extent but his volatility is so challenging.

His older sibling is also tricky to handle, with suspected ADHD but a complete opposite to DS5 due to being sensation seeking (constantly talking, moving, needing entertainment, no awareness of personal space) whereas DS5 prefers his own space, quiet environment etc. They constantly wind each other up and older one ends up being hit or kicked but never, ever seems to learn to give DS5 space. Sigh.

Does anyone have any advice??

Scope offer mentoring to parents of DC diagnosed without the last year.

Have you tried some PDA strategies? The PDA society is a good resource for trying different things.

Some people find Ross Greene’s book The Explosive Child and Yvonne Newbold’s resources helpful.

Do DSs have EHCPs? If not, you should request EHCNAs. If they do, do they include provision such as therapies? You may need early reviews.

Thanks, will have a look into the mentoring for sure.

Yes, we have applied for ECHP for youngest but older one is year 5 and seems ok at school so I don't think we would get very far, or that there is a need for it really - but the way he is at home certainly fits with a ADHD profile and makes things with younger DS that much more challenging as they fight.

Is DS1 really OK at school, or is he masking? Coping ‘fine’ at school but not at home isn’t rare. It is called the coke bottle effect. If school was easier, including better meeting his sensory needs, home life would improve too. You can get EHCPs for DC who mask.