Messy Bedroom

[Diddykong]

DD9 has combined type ADHD. Her room is a tip, things everywhere. I don't what to do.

Ultimately she doesn't care about the mess. All the ADHD guides suggest that the messy room will be overwhelming and impact her self-esteem. But it doesn't, she doesn't care it's messy, she doesn't care the toys get broken when they're walked on or lost, she doesn't care that her room will get dusty, smell and have more bugs because we can't get in to hoover.

All the advice suggests she probably gets overwhelmed and doesn't know where to start, so we broke her room into sections and I try to sit with her and give her directions, but she will just ignore me and play with all the toys instead. We've tried lists, she has tons of labelled storage, I've now just started getting rid of things so there is less to create a mess with. We've tried incentives, she doesn't care about them as I don't think she can link the long term pay off (points/pocket money/bought gifts/time to do X) with the short term task.

Anyone with a nonchalant messy roomer? Any advice with how to tackle this?

I think you need to go back to basics with her, she clearly doesn’t yet have the skills to do this by herself. If it were me, I’d clean it up myself initially and then every day get her to help me tidy it up. That way it never gets to the overwhelming stage. 9 is still quite young, especially when she’s ND.

She probably is overwhelmed by it, so much so that ignoring it is easier than dealing with it. Just because she says she doesn’t care doesn’t mean that’s true.

I second this. At the moment, DD isn’t able to tidy her room and keep it that way herself even with your direction.

I've cleared 90% of it this afternoon with a plan to then keep on top of it every night. I put everything back in drawers and got the floor space clear. Went downstairs to grab something came back 10 mins later and she's got 2 drawers of toys out and put the whole contents all over the floor. I despair!

Have you looked at different types of storage? Some people with ADHD need different solutions. For example, some need to be able to see everything or they can’t find what they want/need.

She’s a child and is going to want to play with her toys, it isn’t going to stay pristine all day long. At the end of the day you tidy it up together.

Very happy to let her play but she will get 4 trays/drawers out, tip them all over the floor and walk off onto the next thing. We have just done the last bits (we meaning I did it while she did handstands on her bed) and managed to get her dressing table clear too.

She has realised she's lost her favourite doll and thinks a friend has taken it as we can't find it anywhere. I've told her that if her room has been less messy it would have been easier to spot if it had gone missing/been taken so I think that has sunken in a bit. I've said she needs to tidy for 10 mins before bed every night and to set a timer.

I like the idea of more visible storage. She has trofast and kallax mainly. Ive seen some ideas like dolls in over the door clear shoe hangers which may appeal.

DD’s bedroom is usually knee deep in clothes, make up, litter, etc. (She’s an adult now) Imo, though, she is much better when she’s living in a routine and not in a mess. However while she was living at home, until recently, I still had to organise her tidying up her bedroom - so say to her, sort out the sweatshirts, put them away or to wash; now the t shirts….the trousers…etc. If I didn’t supervise her and break it into chunks, she’d get distracted and spend the next 3 hours messing about on 1 thing. We always used just to put toys away at bedtime.

Faced with any big task even now, she shuts down unless it’s broken down into sub tasks, which when she’s done a bit, it then gives her sense of achievement and she can go onto the next bit.