ASD 4 yo starting Reception in September - looking to connect with others

[Forsoothmylord]

I’ve never posted on here before but my 4 year old son is starting Reception in September and I’m feeling a bit wobbly about it, wondering if there are others in a similar situation and if we can be a support group for one another..? My son has yet to be formally diagnosed but has many autistic traits and sensitivities, we are on a waiting list for an assessment but have had a preliminary review and they said it’s v likely he will be diagnosed. He is very sensitive to noises and struggles with back and forth conversations. Can play basic games such as ‘chase’ with peers but I’m seeing them playing more elaborate imaginative games and my son just can’t engage. Feeling very churned up that preschool is now over and he is starting big school. Anyone else in this slightly wobbly feeling boat..?

Hi Forsoothmylord

We are in the same boat as you here - 4 yo DD starting p1 in September (same as reception.)
Like yourselves my DD has not been formailly diagnosed as of yet but has been referred for the ADOS assessment by her paediatrician who is confident she has ASD (paed is one of the assessors for our Trust and very experienced.)

How do you feel about DS starting reception? Did he attend preschool or a crèche setting?

Thanks so much for replying.
I feel very mixed about DS starting school. He’s been part time in a preschool that is attached to the school, so hoping his transition won’t feel too much of a shock, but worry a lot about his day to day experience full time in school. He gets very overwhelmed and tired, really feel he needs his 2 days at home.. I guess he will adapt eventually..? His name issue is ‘tuning in’, he’s often in his own world and doesn’t engage in conversation with peers. It makes me feel sad to imagine the other children all playing in the playground and him just wandering about on his own, very possibly stimming (his version of which is high pitched singing of nonsense songs!). Luckily the school knows him already so will be doing a small group intervention thing I think. But I think the main worry I have is the gap between him and his peers widening. How are you feeling about it all?

Hi @Forsoothmylord can I join please?
My DS (recently diagnosed ASD and on pathway for ADHD) had his last day at pre-school today, and I feel so emotional, it took a long time to get him settled and the right support but now he’s so happy there, and I’m so nervous for starting again!
He will be attending a Resource Base within the same school as his pre-school, after a Local
Authority appeal, so I’m lucky in that sense that he will be in a small group.

I am excited and nervous for DD moving into p1, it feels like a huge leap but she has came such a long way this year, I am so proud of her. She really struggled with settling in at the start of nursery (preschool), took her much longer than the other children. She doesn’t cope well with transitions and found this very difficult. But her teacher was amazing and she settled in beautifully and absolutely loved it in the end.

I met with her new p1 teacher to discuss DD’s SEN (and bawled my eyes out to her) and she seemed wonderful - kind, caring and patient which is exactly what DD needs.
I have applied for a statement assessment for DD (EHCP) but it is a long process here. Her nursery teacher thinks she may need 1:1 assistance as she relies heavily on the adults in her classroom for support. She has problems with her fine motor skills and has been referred to OT by her paed.

Luckily she attended the nursery unit of the primary school she is starting so is used to the area and her class is full of familiar faces. A couple of the other girls in her nursery class have taken her under their wing and she is starting p1 with them which I am very relieved about. I still worry about it a lot though.

I was very emotional on her last day of nursery and cried my eyes out to her teacher, the poor woman has seen me cry at least 20 times throughout the year every time we discussed DD’s SEN, she probably thinks I’m completely emotionally unhinged!!

Oh gosh I am so with you on the emotion front. I received my son’s report from preschool and it made me cry instantly. Partly tears of pride at the progress he’s made and what he’s overcome (he initially had a phobia of the toilets as they have hand dryers in there - his no.1 fear) and wet himself a lot, but he managed to overcome it and uses the toilets there happily now - but partly tears of grief that he is not ‘where he is expected to be’ in so many areas. It all felt very black and white, despite kind wording trying to be used. I had this big meet up with the other parents of the preschool other day and felt quite isolated from them. They were all excitedly discussing reception in September while their NT children ran about playing games together and having quick fire conversations..meanwhile my DS was playing with the leaves on a tree and singing to himself. He is a beautiful soul who I love to the ends of the earth, but I also grieve for the child he isn’t and won’t be, if that makes any sense.. so yeah, an emotional week here too!!

Hi @Bekindtoall , of course you can join! Your DS already has a diagnosis? How early did you start the process to get diagnosed? And what is a Resource Base? Does that mean he’s in a small group all the time or just for certain sessions? Also, do you have an EHCP in place?
We’ve been told after our ASD review that we can apply for an EHCP even without a diagnosis as the nurse writing the report can recommend DS has additional support, so think we’ll give that a go.
Can any of your kids write their name? @Thatsnotevenmyusername you mentioned your DD struggles with fine motor? My DS does too, holds a pen in a fist grip and mostly just scribbles but can manage a (very misshapen) circle on a good day, which conveniently happens to be one of the letters of his name :)

@Forsoothmylord I felt exactly like that when reading DD’s report. She has came a long long way this year and I couldn’t be more proud however she is still significantly behind her peers socially and with her fine and gross motor skills. When she started she would just go up and down the slide over and over again and ignore her peers, she has now graduated to parallel play with her peers which is a big step for her. She just comes across and very shy and gentle and timid so some of the other mums were quite surprised when I told them she likely has asd. I have befriended a lot of the other mum’s from her class and they are all lovely and really encouraging their children to include her in everything which is lovely to see, but I’d love nothing more than to see her run off playing with her friends in the playground like the others…maybe this year :)

No DD struggles with holding pencils, crayons, colouring ins, using scissors, pulling zips etc. She can recognise letters but can’t write them and her many drawings that she has brought home from me from nursery, while absolutely cherished, are nothing more than a colourful scribble haha!

How does your DS feel about starting reception? I don’t think my DD fully understands but she says she is excited for p1 although I think the reality of it might be a bit daunting for her, I will have to ensure I wait at the school during the settling in period in case she needs me, I’m hoping settling in will be a lot smoother than starting nursery though as I am a stay at home mum it was the first time she had ever been away from me or her dad or grandparents and she was distraught, it was really upsetting. I watched her clap her hands over her ears when the bell rang (she hates loud noises - hand dryers included) and go into panic mode at each transition I.e. finish playtime outside and line up on the green line and I just had such a painful pang that she may have ASD. I have fully accepted it now and come to terms with it, she is who she is and we wouldn’t change her for the world, she’s absolutely amazing. But naturally DH and I worry about every little thing now, more so than most parents as I’m sure you can relate to.

Great idea to start this thread, I am finding it very comforting! I don’t really know
anyone I’d be close enough to talk to in details in real life with a child with ASD. My friends and family are wonderful support but they all have NT children

@Forsoothmylord thank you! He was referred in late 2021, and we had his first appointment early 2023, we had diagnosis last month.
Im in Wales so we don’t have EHCP we have IPD which is similar, we have had one in place since about third month of nursery, after an educational psychologist assessment and panel meeting. Definitely apply for one now, you now need a diagnosis, educational support is based on needs not diagnosis. There should be enough evidence from pre-school to start the process.

Resource base is a specialty unit attached to mainstream school for children with additional needs, it’s a small class of 8. I never know which terms are the same in England and Wales haha!

No he can not write his name, he can draw the sky (a scribble) and a smiley face!

@Forsoothmylord sorry that should say you don’t need a diagnosis!