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Mil ignoring asd sons needs

4 replies

AsdMama87 · 16/07/2023 15:15

Hello, I am in need of some advice.
My mil just doesn't seem to want to listen to boundaries me and her son have put up.
My son is 9yo and has been diagnosed with ASD since he was 3yo.
She only sees spending time with him as her taking him out for hours at time, she and her husband don't seem to care about my son's state of mind. Anytime they come over, my son gets very stressed and anxious. Which causes him to regress, starts withholding poop again, and will start hitting and biting kids at school again, just a couple examples.
Mil and husband just keep saying things like, he is fine, look at him (while he is staring at the floor and barely saying anything, he is normally very animated and loves eye contact) we have told them several times what effect them visiting is having on them and they don't seem to care, they will just keep saying that, my son needs them and that we just have to let them take him out, because, they want to have a relationship with him, again not caring about what my son actually needs.

That was a long rant, sorry about that.
This isn't me guessing about them not caring about his state of mind or well being, they have told me multiple times to my face.

They also like to tell us that we are not going to be able to cope with a baby on the way, that's why we need them so badly.

OP posts:
Relaxinghammock · 16/07/2023 15:55

If PIL taking DS out distresses DS why are you allowing them to take him out?

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 16/07/2023 17:09

They can have a relationship without taking him out. Do you ever all go to their house or do they come to yours?

AsdMama87 · 16/07/2023 17:20

I haven't let them take him out in over a year, so we thought that as he was older we would try again today but we stay with them. Obviously it didn't go well.

They come over to our flat, for some reason they don't want us round their house.

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 17/07/2023 07:42

AsdMama87 · 16/07/2023 17:20

I haven't let them take him out in over a year, so we thought that as he was older we would try again today but we stay with them. Obviously it didn't go well.

They come over to our flat, for some reason they don't want us round their house.

There's a few red flags with this. Why don't they want their own family at their home and why do they have to take him out?

I don't think I'd be letting it happen again.

I'd make it clear that they can come and see him, but they stay with you in your home.

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