My BIL needs help.......

[juniperdropofbrandy]

.....and I don't know how to? To put you in the picture, my sister died last year leaving her dh and her adult son(28). My nephew L lives at home and BIL is left alone to cope. BIL doesn't work as L is at a day unit for a few hours a day but then home. Plus tbh he's in no state of mind to
I'd help out with him but L is extremely hard work and my sis and BIL never let us get involved with him. We'd be lucky to get over the doorstep tbh. L is autistic, can't talk and gets agitated and can be aggresive. He goes for overnight care occasionally, last time being 9 weeks,but this has lessened since sis died for some reason? I rang BIL the other day and he sounds so very low. I just don't know who to contact or suggest he contact to get some more help? Or is he getting his limit? BIL isn't very healthy and I worry about L if something should happen to him. Any advice greatly recieved.

I meant BIL had to wait 9 weeks for a break btw, not that he was in for 9 weeks.

Perhaps it was your sister that organised the respite and care for your nephew.
Do you know if he has a social worker?
I would try calling your local branch of NAS or Mencap, explain the situation to them and see what advice they can give.
Sorry, can't think of anything else.

Is there anyone on BIL's side of the family you could talk to? Try contacting Social Services Learning Disability team for a chat. Does your nephew go anywhere in the day?? (eg day centre)
Sounds like the poor man really needs some help. What a nice SIL you are!

Sorry-see now that he does. Could you contact the unit?

Juniper, what a difficult situation. I've no experience of this firsthand but I do know somebody with a severely disabled grown-up daughter and they get ALOT more help than this. Her daughter goes to a adult centre 5 full days a week plus they get two full weeks respite a year plus weekends and overnights. I am so sure they can get more help. It would be so beneficial to your Binlaw and to your nephew if he got some work, even if it's part time, and they both had more balance. HTH

ps I mean, my DD is severely autistic but only 3 and she we get alot more support even now.

Definitely agree that the NAS may be helpful and Social Svs BUT it sounds like you BIL really needs some emotional support. How well do you get on with him? Do you know any of his friends or immediate family? I just don't know how you can help someone in this way unless they are receptive but he may be. He probably would benefit not only from practical help but counselling or support from other people in the same position. I know that one NAS branch is for fathers only and is quite active (in Kent I think). Do you think you coudl persuade him to see his GP? Maybe he needs anti-depressants for a while and/or counselling. Would your DH be able to speak to him?

my friends son is 22 and has downs syndrome. She gets quite alot of help. he goes to day care full time (sort of like school hours) plus she gets respite. i am not sure how this is sorted out? maybe through social services?

thank you all xx

I'll pass on the advice when I next ring. I think keeping in close contact and gently suggesting things may be best. BIL is very depressed and already on meds plus he has high blood pressure. He does odd jobs for people which helps fill his hours plus he likes the pooter but I don't think he's online?

thanks for the contacts, I'll look into them.

If he's not online I would really encourage him to get a connection. We all know what a lifeline the internet is and how much we rely on it once we get comfortable with it.

yes Davros I was thinking the same thing.