anyone ever felt the need for counselling in order to cope better with what you've been through

[charlie95]

just curious about how people / families cope/have coped and whether such counselling is needed or was it ever offered ?

presumably most of us are mums at home looking after SN children - how does/did your dh's manage with work if applicable ? -was their work company .........cant think of the word....understanding about your situation with regards to having time off for hospital stays/visits and generally how they're feeling ? was anything offered to them via occupational health ?

just curious. explain later.

My husbands work was brilliant. He was signed off for 3 months on full pay as our daughter had Meningitis, was in hospital for 5 weeks then was terrible when we got home and it needed both of us to be there.

Havent had counselling but have been on the verge of it twice

would be interested to see if it helped others though?

I think I might need councelling to so I can move on and deal with what's going on now and maybe help ds more. Would be inrerested to see how it's helped others.

i'd liek ot know too.

although on 2nd pgcy atm, ds problems from birth are always with us and right now anyhting thats goes wrong for him or even if hes got a cold i'm an emotional wreck almost. cant help worrying what esle'll go wrong with him.

dh work ok at time. play up fo rappts. now. but he's still easily stressed with worry of this pgcy. just started to see OH and she was suprised he was sent back to wor, when ds ok-ish and home from hospital, full time. so is recommending him for 'coping therapy' not counselling apparently.

sometimes i wonder if i should have/have had some sort of counselling cos im in the thick of it all, all day every day.

dh's work good about time off for appointments etc- nothing else offered.

The autism unit arranged for a counsellor to run some sessions for the mum's (and dad's if interested) to help sort out daily stress etc. But after asking everyone to describe ther daily problems she got tearful and said the group was depressing her (!!!) She came back the week after and told everyone that she'd found the idea of our lives so harrowing she'd had to go home and lie down. So she was a lot of bloody use!

I see a homeopath occasionally which I guess has an element of counselling (well listening) built in. My cousellors are my friends with autistic kids though- speak to one every day, especially crap days (which is probably why its every day :o)

i feel like i need one some days. and my kids dont have SN at all. just finding it hard atm coping with everything to do with dh, the pregnancy and sorting out schools/nursery for my dd's.

How incredibly unprofesional of that woman jimjambells! EVEN if she felt like that, she shouldn't have said it to you. What an arse!

Dh was offered no time off for appointments so had to use up holiday for appointments & time in hospital.

I went to see a counsellor for a session at my local GP practice. She was such a cold fish that I never went back, and I've since met other mums with SN kids which has really helped me so I don't really feel the need to go & see fish face :o again.
Also, a fantastic community nurse visits us fortnightly and she is brilliant at listening. TBH, I think all I need sometimes is just for someone to listen - they don't need to be trained in counselling or psychotherapy.

I'm going to a hynotherapist/homeopath/counsellor, but I've arranged it privately. I think its helping, but at £50 a session I'm not sure how much longer I can afford it. I'm still quietly seething that GP and Health Visitor have not asked once how I am coping. In fact HV has not been anywhere near in the last 8 months. I am happy that DS2 seems to be getting the majority of the help he needs, but am very disappointed re-my own emotional support. Have had more support on here than anything professionally. Feeling , but about the support I've received on here.

My dh works at a unit for children with sn. Most of them are autistic. They basically go just for respite. I know the parents of the children always say how great it is as they get some rest and the children get alot out of it too. Can you find out wether there is something like that for you?

they 'tried' to counsel us after dd1's diagnosis was confirmed - not the best of times three days after she was born and then suggested we go for genetic counselling...... we decided not to. Found it very disconcerting to read in dd1's daily hospital notes ( when she was in SCBU) that I had visited and been tearful ?!?!?! with a note to refer that info to the social worker...... I had just had my daughter a couple of days earlier by emergency caesar ( two weeks before due date), she was born with a heart defect and was in intensive care and had been diagnosed with Down syndrome - think I was entitled to cry !!- even though we knew that she had these conditions as they were diagnosed antenatally - the sight of your little one in a humidicrib attached to all sorts of things is pretty daunting.... Like others here I have drawn support and strength from other parents of children with sn or ds in particular. Found it very helpful being part of parent groups - in terms of information, resources and support. We have a fabulous base of friends who also provide support and help if needed. ALso had a brilliant health visitor and community paed nurse who were brilliant.

In the UK dh's work was very helpful - he had a lot of time off when dd was born and then when she had her heart surgery. It probably helped that one of his UK bosses also had a daughter with Down syndrome....It was helpful that he was also able to take time off for appts or therapy if I could not take her. Here in Aus it is much more flexible in his new job than his previous Aus one. He now works at the children's hospital where most of dd's appts would be. He is also able to take time off or leave work early to take her to therapy if I can't.

Jimjams - can't believe that woman !!!!

merlot - surprised that not one of those professionals has asked how you are coping.... I have had the community health nurse here ( kinda the aus equivalent of health visitor) asking all sorts of questions to make sure we are getting the 'support' we need. In fact she focused more on dd1 ( who's sorted in terms of therapy and playgroups etc) that she did on dd2 - the purpose of her visit...

I've certainly felt counselling may help - I'm on medication for depression and anxiety but wonder if counselling might help me more "permanently", if you follow what I mean - help me change the way I look at and react to things.

DH has not been to one appointment with me - whether with doctor, paediatrician, school or LEA - it seems to be up to me to deal with everything. Does anyone else have this? It has caused a bit of a rift at times, especially when I had one heavy meeting to go to that I was really dreading. Friends offered to take time off work to come with me, but I felt I couldn't accept them doing that if DH wasn't prepared to.

I was initially totally amazed that no-one offered us any counselling when dd was diagnosed (now I realise it is par for the course). It was like "your daughter is going to be moderately to severely disabled, now off you go and deal with it". When I asked about counselling I was told the hospital didn't provide anything and we would have to ask our GP. I was then put on a waiting list for to see someone who would assess whether I needed counselling (FFS!). That took 5 months. It then took a further 9 months for me to see a counsellor. Tbh by then, I had gone through the worst bit.

when i did see the counsellor I realised that it wasn't really what i needed. He kept trying to relate my feelings back to my childhood, analyse it all. And I didn't want to do that. What I really needed was just to be able to talk about dd and me and how I felt.

I found mumsnet at about the same time and tbh, i have found posting on here and meeting other mums of children with SN has helped me far far more. Maybe I just didn't have the right counsellor, but for me it didn't really do a lot.

Just wanted to add that I think maybe long term counselling with a counsellor you like and feel comfortable with may well be worthwhile. I just didn't particularly relate to my counsellor, and was also always aware that it was 8 sessions on the NHS and then where would I be?

Dh's office have been surprisingly good about giving him time off. He doesn't have too far to travel to get to work so it's relatively easy for him to get back here for an hour or two before going back to work.

When ds2 was younger dh took time off to come to the hospital/clinic with me for ds1's appointments. As ds2 got older and more difficult to deal with dh would take time off to look after ds2 at home while I took ds1 to his appointments. Now that it's ds2 who needs all the appointments I tend to manage by myself if the appointment is in school hours. Otherwise dh will take a couple of hours off to look after ds1. While we are going through the assessment procedure I prefer ds1 to stay at home so that the professionals can see ds2 as he is without his brother's influence IYSWIM.

On bad days I feel as though I am coming apart at the seams and feel as though I really should get some kind of help. On the better days I feel as though I can manage without.

I find mumsnet to be the most useful place to go to for support and advice.

Oh no Jimjambells, can't believe that woman!!!!!

I am in between being shocked but also laughing!! Sounds so funny although I am sure it wasn't at the time.

I Imagined her going back to her office (or wherever ) and telling them that she now needed counselling after trying to counsel your group!!!!!

I agree with HITC, if you can find a counsellor that you feel comfortable with I think it would be a really positive experience. I had some CBT during my pregnancy for various reasons and it really helped me. However, I think that I am personally better off without the GP practice counsellor who had about as much personal warmth as a frosticle. The sad thing is that it is so difficult to find a counsellor that you 'click' with on the NHS.

This board has been a great source of info. & support :)

I thought it was quite funny anniebear- the counsellor was too traumatised by listening to our lives that she then needed counselling herself :o However I was in the position of not needing her help as I have a good support network of friends in the same situation. If I had been relying on her I would not have been amused.

My friend tried to get help from SS - the SW visited and stated that he problems were no different from any other mother of 2 children (so obviously its totally normal for a 7 year old to draw on the walls, destroy the carpet by making footprints, end up in casualty for eating paracetamol which she'd stolen from a locked cupboard, escape the garden by scaling an 8 foot fence, escape from a locked caravan in the middle of the night, and be unable to use language properly (she has some but isn't conversational). She then suggested that my friend needed couselling- she didn't she needed another pair of hands (after written complaints another SW assessed the situation and she was given help).

Actually the distressed cousellor also ran a day on assertiveness training for us, but then discovered that having school aged autistic kids we were pretty well self taught.

No, never felt like I needed it. If I needed to talk things out I had my DP and my mates and family. Don't feel like I've "gone through" anything or needed conselling. I could do with some to help me with my sisters problems but not for anythig to do with Lottie.

I am having counselling starting in January. Really need it to be honest

Hope it helps, Blossom. I'm still thinking about it. Relying on you lot and my mum, mainly, at the moment
Jimjams- can't believe that counsellor!
TC- think your absolute positivity is very rare I have days where I feel really positive but days when I just don't.

that really useful eveyone - theres a wide range of ideas here.

personally, i do feel that i havent got it all out of my system - the upsets - as to what we went through with ds when he was born, and subsequent problems, therapies, schooling etc.....its always felt like its been one bad thing after another. and i get emotional at the slightest thing atm, even more so if its relating to ds.

sometimes dh disappears in the house and im left again to 'play' with ds. ive been with him constantly since dh went back to work after hospital stay at 6 mo. so i mentioned it this evening, nicely, he stayed for us both to play with ds and then ds wont do what we're asking of him and then dh moans at that....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
it was bad enough in school few wks ago when they reviewed ds progress in 9 wks hes beeen there, in obs class at mainstream, and they suddenly said ds wont mix with other children, wont play on his own, if they give a ball to play with on his own he just stands in the corner......make up thier minds...do they want him play with others, and are they helping him to do this, or do they want him to play on his own?! honestly, we cant win. then they say he constantly seeks adult attention to do things or whilst playing.....well after what hes been through we've/i've had to teach him how to play with toys that do certain things from young age...what do they expect?

sorry to go on a tangent slightly. its another thing added on top of all the other stresses inside me.

anyway recently dh work have started ot be a bit funny about appts, as we're having more for this pgcy to make sure baby is ok, dh has used annual leave and then that doesnt leave much left for rest of year. so hes had a few meetings with boss/personnel people there....see how it goes. as is story of my life..!!!

got to say we have never been offered counselling either and tbh I used and do still at times find it very traumatic. If anything I have had more of the 'pull yourself together' attitude offf people than do you need counselling!

My sister had to see a pychiatrist after she became depressed followong her double transplant. The pychiatrist asked her to go through all her family situation etc and then turned round to my sister anmd said "no wonder you are depressed'........not very helpful! but luckily when the dark period had passed my sister found that comment highly amusing