Honestly don’t know if I will be able to cope during 6 week holiday.

[SuperFi]

Does anyone else feel the same?

DS is at special school he has ASD but his behaviour has also become more aggressive, violent and verbally abusive ( both at home and school, since he turned 13.) He is on the wait list to be assessed for ADHD.
We have a social worker and I get some respite care but only for 2 nights in the 6 week holiday, and the school don’t have the resources for holiday club. There is only MENCAP that run a SN holiday club in our area and it is oversubscribed .( It only runs for one week for his age group anyway)
He hurt me again today, I am mentally drained after just a weekend with him. In the last school holiday I had to call the police as he was trashing the house and attacking me.
I have asked for more respite from SS but they said I already have the max they can allow for his level of need.(24 nights a year).
His Dad and I split up 10 yrs ago, and he is next to useless, he only visited his DS once in the summer break last year. He actually seems to take pleasure in watching me struggle, and has no interest in co parenting.
I am thinking I should go to the doctors to ask for some medication to get me through, but apart from that, I really don’t know what to do, and I have a terrible sense of dread. (I haven’t booked a holiday away with DS, as that is equally stressful , and a whole other thread).

I have asked for more respite from SS but they said I already have the max they can allow for his level of need.(24 nights a year).

This is nonsense. Push for the reassessments from social care. Including for support during the daytime. If at any point you appeal DS’s EHCP you can ask SENDIST to look at social care provision too.

How is DS’s EHCP? If his needs were better supported via that it is likely home life would improve.

Some people find a NVR course or Yvonne Newbold’s resources helpful.

Have you had a home OT assessment to make the home as safe as possible?

Are there activities that you can do with him or take him to that work well and don’t result in difficult behaviour?

Do you have any family nearby?

Sympathies OP, holidays are not easy when your child needs routine and school is your only respite.

Well that’s interesting @Relaxinghammock my SW has a stock response ‘there is no money/ resources’ so do we have a legal right for more respite if it’s in the ECHP?
The ECHP is currently being reviewed, Ed Psych has been in to assess him, he can’t manage a full day in the classroom, and spends part of the day having one to one. He has had to be physically restrained at school after he has asssulted teachers/ students.
We have both been referred for. PACT course for parents with violent teens, (but that doesn’t start till after the holidays. ) don’t know how similar that is to the Newbold course?
Not been too impressed with previous dealing with OT, they haven’t worked for us. The thing is ,he demands absolute control of the home environment eg the TV Chanel’s, curtains drawn at all times, freaking out if internet is slow.

@openupmyeagereyes my family just can’t/won’t put up with his behaviour, same with friends, all very sympathetic of course, but his language and behaviour you just would not want that around small children.
The only activity that truly works is taking him swimming, but even then the changing rooms are a challenge.

my SW has a stock response ‘there is no money/ resources’

Sadly, this is really common. Social care is in crisis, but there is more they can do than shrug their shoulders and say “there’s nothing I can do.” Unfortunately, parents who push get more support.

The extended powers only allow SENDIST to make recommendations rather than legally binding orders. However, there is the expectation the recommendations will be followed, and if the LA don’t plan to follow them they must write to you and SENDIST within 5 weeks explaining why. If the LA don’t follow them, depending on specifics, you can complain to the LGO or pursue judicial review.

Alternatively, is DS’s school a residential school? If so, is it 38 weeks only or longer? You could look at weekly boarding, or even part of the week.

The EHCP certainly sounds like it needs amending to better meet DS’s needs. Are SALT and OT (I know you said they haven’t helped in the past, but the right OT providing the right support can help) in DS’s EHCP? And a mental health therapy e.g. animal assisted therapy if necessary? Swimming is a brilliant way in, is that in the EHCP?

Yvonne Newbold has resources rather than a course. I don’t think the PACT course is like a NVR course, so it might be worth you asking about that.

@Relaxinghammock he is in SN day school but I am seeking a residential placement following this ECHP, will have to fight for this no doubt. Are the SENDIST waiting times still 50 weeks?

The school can’t cope with him ( they tag team when it gets too stressful) and they have small classes and lots of staff, so how I’m supposed to cope alone for 6 weeks I don’t know. The police were really kind when I called them before, but I pray I don’t have to call them again. However it did make SW and LA sit up and listen after his arrest.

He has rejected equine therapy and is now banned from two other SEN activity groups. Maybe we have been unlucky with OT before. It’s just all so bloody exhausting and draining, I haven’t felt ‘right ’ for a long time. I will give the NVR a try.

It’s just all so bloody exhausting and draining

It is, especially when you have to fight the system as well as everything else necessary for caring. You sound on the verge of career burnout. I’m sorry no-one seems to be helping you so far.

SENDIST waits are roughly a year. Although, if DS is not receiving a full
-time education or DS is at risk of permanent exclusion you can request the hearing is expedited. Still not an immediate fix though, sadly.

Thank you @Relaxinghammock for your advice and support. I think i do have carer burnout.