Hello
I have name changed for this post but what I am about to post are not my words .
I have offered to post for a friend who has no computer or phone - why will become apparent when you read her words . Her child has smashed them and she cannot replace them .
Please do not jump on me for what she feels , and please be gentle as I will send her the replies .
This is what she has written down on paper . Please helpful suggestions
only as the rest she has heard 100 times before. I do not think this is of her making- but she is doubting her own sanity right now .
Thank you
Friend wrote
"I need help and I do not know where to go
I have a daughter who is about to begin secondary school. She will not see year 6 out because she has been excluded for bullying. She has orchestrated a hate campaign against a fellow pupil . It was nasty and manipulative and I could not argue . She had manipulated several girls into bullying a child and segregating her .
She is awaiting an assessment from some multi disciplinary team but that is still around 8 months away. She is also waiting for CAAMHS
She is underperforming at school and working at a much lower level than her year group . She simply refuses to do even that work .
At home she is worse . I am being abused by a child , my own child . She hits me , kicks me , but it's what come out of her mouth that's the most hurtful.
If she demands something and I say no I get hours and hours of abuse , vitriol and physical violence. She has now also started locking me out of my own house . On Friday I burst into tears and she laughed . She demanded I take her out because she had told her friends (she actually has no friends ) she would be going out to a local venue . I said no . She hit me . When I said stop that she said "what are you going to do about it ?" And said I would smack her back and she said "and then I'll kick you in the face" she laughed and locked me out . She then began taunting me from an upstairs window . She said she would only let me in if I took her out .
This can and does go on for hours . Half the street isn't allowed to play with her and they (parents) now ignore me .
She taunts and taunts me openly , she will deliberately spray a water bottle at me and then f I say stop that - she does it more saying "why ? Is it annoying " and laughing . She laughs at my pain and laughs at my upset . I've tried everything from taking things off her , to even when she has really pushed me , smacking her back . Absolutely nothing works on her . She has alienated my friends because she is rude to them or tells them to go away if I invite them while she is there .
The other night when she locked me out it began to rain - I simply got up and went to a friends locally. It wasn't far . She followed me and began to hammer on their door . Then their windows . Then she climbed the fence and walked in through their back door . I was already in tears and my friend frog marched her out and locked the door . Now she says she hates that friend and wants us to move house .
School know exactly what she is like . I am a single parent and I am exhausted. Her father does nothing, but he is very much the same personality wise as her . She sees him every other weekend and after school but he doesn't have to do the heavy lifting like getting her up
For school (often a trigger point ) or goiing to bed (another trigger ) he also says she knows he would "leather her" so she is less likely inclined to try it with him . He also has a large property with fields and woods so she spends a lot of time out there - he has bought her iPads and laptops too and pretty much lets her do what she wants for a quiet life . Her teeth are rotten because he just gives her sweets to bribe her to
Do as he asks . Otherwise she refuses . I do think she has special needs . Her father could pay for a private assessment but he keeps saying there is nothing wrong with her and it's me - she now uses this and calls me a "psycho " and says I should be in a mental hospital.
This is really hard to say - but no one likes her . I've caught her being cruel to
The cat . She has no empathy whatsoever. The looks she gives can be chilling. She seems to actually enjoy causing pain and hurt and doesn't stop until she has me in tears or screaming at her to stop and even then she laughs . I e tried Ignoring but she won't let that happen , she prods and pokes and touches until she gets a reaction.
I'm finding it harder and harder to cope and I'm not a pushover. She can turn suddenly wanting a cuddle and though I do , I often don't feel like it . I love her but I don't like her . I know that's a Terrible thing to
Admit. My colleagues and friends are saying get her father to take her for a few weeks to give me a break - but he won't . He only has her for the easy part and I get the feeling even that's too much .
I can't ask her to do anything. She won't go to bed , or get up , she won't do homework, she won't tidy her room , (I have no idea which clothes are clean because she throws everything on the floor . She's say she wants food and I'll cook and she will throw it on the floor saying it's wrong .
If she demands something she expects to get it even though I've never parented like that . The physical abuse is getting worse , and I feel like I'm going to crack under the strain . I work full time - I'm now late every day because getting her to school is a battlefield. ( I don't think she'll be going back now before her new term starts due to the exclusion) but her teachers had told me to ring them and they'd come and get her but im embarrassed by the state of her bedroom because she won't keep it tidy . I can't even get in it .
She's been transitioning slowly to big school an hour a week - school know she's going to struggle with the changes . She often gets stressed and anxious about random things ( she won't sleep in her own bed because she worried about burglary for instance ) once she believes something that's it - it's concrete to her and set in stone and nothing will change her mind . She has given up hobbies she's done since being a toddler this year because the instructor moved her to a different day - now she just refuses to go . She has d a screaming for the other morning before her exclusion because she told me to get a bobble out of her black bag - I said no you get it and she threw it at me screaming I was an idiot . She has several black bags. I tried to explain I didn't know which bag and she could get it herself . She began to scream . I was late for
Work and she was late for
School. She's told me before she thinks if she screams someone will think I'm hurting her and ring social services or police . She thinks this is funny .
I do not know where to turn for help . I'm battling her daily , I'm battling her father who keeps saying there isn't anything wrong (he wont even go to parents evenings or her SEN reviews ) he says it's all in my head .
She's on SEN at school as she's working around 4 years below her peers . There is definitely something wrong . But the more this is happening the more I dread coming home from work because I just know what's coming.
*so that's friends issue - I'll send her the replies unless they're really shitty because quite honestly right now - she's about to have a breakdown.
Thank you .