Kids so unkind to DS with ASD

[GreenTeaWhite]

My DS is of secondary school age and has autism. He lacks the social skills to have a proper friendship, but would of course like to have a friend or two. He is gentle and wants to be included, but finds it difficult to go about it in a way neurotypical children can connect with. I don't think he'll be capable of having what would be perceived as a "normal" friendship.

At the moment, the other children in his year group are running away from him and shutting him out of rooms in order to get away from him. All, bar a few, of the boys in my DS's year group have been unkind to him, physically and verbally, in the past.

This is all so upsetting for my DS and our family. I don't really have a question. I'm just feeling so sad about it all, so I'm just looking for some understanding really...or maybe some sharing of your child's experiences?

I’m so sorry that this is happening. Our daughter ( diagnosed age 3) made some wonderful friends at secondary school.
Sometimes those with similar interests find each other.

If your son seeks friendship but doesn’t know how to approach this that is upsetting as you say. Was this the same at Primary school?

Usually secondary schools have somewhere that pupils can go during unstructured times e.g. a games club in the SEN department or just somewhere to be with comfy seating, somewhere quiet to eat lunch.

I’d speak to the Senco to see what support is available in school especially at lunchtime.
Is there a local support group you can contact or join where your son might meet others who are autistic?

I’d second talking to your school SENDCO. There should be some provision for ASD kids and support for friendships.

My boy is much younger, but as a teacher I’ve seen a wide range of autistic children thrive and have good friendship groups in secondary school.

It’s sad but I think sometimes the other children need to mature a bit around him to be more tolerant. Not much comfort now, I suppose.

@24Dogcuddler @SachiLars
Thank you for your replies. My DS has had the same difficulties with making friends throughout his time at school so far.

The SENCO isn't helpful. Instead of teaching tolerance and compassion, she had taught the other children to tell my DS to 'go away' (she thinks he needs to be told bluntly) when they've had enough of him. It's just so awful that they think it's OK to do this and it makes me sad and angry. My DS doesn't have any behavioural issues and is gentle.

There's nowhere for my DS to go at breaktimes, but he'll moving to a new school in September and they'll be clubs he can go to at lunchtime there.

School libraries are often safe places for kids yet to find their crew.

That sounds poor from SENCO. You can’t make kids be friends but civility is a basic expectation.

We're in a very similar, sad place. My DD is 14 and in mainstream secondary, partially in the SEN unit.

She is ignored by the girls in her year and if she tries to sit with them they move away.
The boys have been awful. Surrounding her and yelling at her which they know she will be terrified.
Yesterday a boy in the school canteen stole her drink and when she objected, called her a fing r*d.
He was punished but it's one incident after another.
DD has autism and learning difficulties and just doesnt understand why they behave as they do.
School are supposedly dealing with these issues but largely unsuccessfully.
I'm heartbroken for her.