How to teach my pre-teen to wash his armpits or shower daily?

[Lavenderblume]

My 9 year old quickly gets BO these days when it's hot. He does wash his armpits and wear deodorant, but he is very reluctant to do the washing part. He has ADHD and some sensory issues, so the aversion to washing and showering has two parts: 1) it's boring to take the time to actually do it 2) he is uncomfortable with the sensation of using the water on his body.

It's been manageable getting him to be bathed by me every few days, but now we have to move to daily showering or washing, and additionally expecting more independence as he gets older and needs more privacy for personal care, it's a much bigger challenge. He gets angry with me for reminding him to wash.

Any advice would be very welcome! Specifically: step by step guide: how do you/your kids physically wash your armpits if you're not in the actual shower? Soap up the armpits then rinse, with or without a flannel? And do you think showering or just washing at the sink would be better in the mornings? Sink wash suits us better I think, as we are not a daily shower kind of family, but I'm wondering if showering might actually be easier if he managed to get used to it?

I've just started teaching my DS , similar age, to shower rather than bath, and it's a slow thing but I'm
Focusing on building a habit so hopefully he'll get to the point of doing it on auto pilot.

I would say if you're going to the effort of teaching him something, then try to teach him the "full" version (eg a shower rather than a wash) as that way you haven't got to just teach showering later too.

I'm aiming to make the summer holidays a time to really get into the routine of a shower every night before pjs and bed. Less time pressure etc during holidays so hopefully more relaxed.

Currently I stand outside the shower curtain and talk DS through each step, we repeat the same order every night as I'm hoping to build muscle memory / auto pilot.

I've also laminated a clip art poster stuck to bathroom wall with a numbered list and pictures, eg 1. Wash face 2. Wash armpits etc

Have you tried a different shower head for your DS to see if firmer or softer water pressure helps?

Can DS bathe every day? In the evening if there isn’t enough time in the morning. Some find coping with water on the skin during a bath easier to cope with than water hitting the skin from the shower.

Some find back chaining &/or a visual checklist (in a waterproof pouch or laminated, obviously) helpful.

X-post. @SpikyMetalCircleMaker I am impressed DS can manage with you ‘only’ standing outside the shower curtain - that’s not to diminish the support you provide, I’m just meaning I’m impressed DS doesn’t require hands on support or you having eyes on. My DS’s are older, and I have 1 who needs physically washing, 1 who requires prompting for all washing and physical help with his hair and 1 who thinks standing under the running water is sufficient .

Thomas the shower curtain is half open and I point or tap to each bit of his body, but I make him hold the shower puff himself!

@SpikyMetalCircleMaker Ah, I pictured the shower curtain being closed and DS following each verbal instruction. Is that wishful thinking?

Wishful thinking