My neighbour reported me to social services

[asdmumof1]

So I have been living in my house with DH and my 3 children for 3 years neighbours moved in about 2 years ago and we have never had any problems as they don't leave there house ever or talk to any of our other neighbours nor do they have any children. Now my middle child has PDA autism, OCD and ADHD and has constant melt downs has violent outbursts and is uncontrollable. So my neighbour took it upon themselves to report me to social services and made up lies saying I drink excessively and I'm doing drugs, which I do neither I don't even smoke anymore I switched to vaping about 9 months ago. Anyway they also said about my children crying all the time which is mostly my autistic child and her siblings when she hurts them and my shouting which I will admit I do as I'm so stressed with everything I'm dealing with but they told social services I must be abusin my kids for them to cry all the time. Now social services have closed the case but the neighbours to seem intent on winding my husband up filming us when we want to be in our garden and it's making it awkward and unbearable to live with and making the situation with our disabled daughter 100x worse. Now I would put in for a house move but I have arrears from COVID that I'm struggling to clear. I'm just at rock bottom. Any help and advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance. A very stressed upset mum 😥

Can you email social care (even though they have closed the case) and explain the neighbour is filming you in the garden and ask the social worker how to respond to this?

Re your PDAer and meltdowns, have you already switched to using PDA support strategies rather than mainstream ASC strategies? We found this a complete game changer with our PDAer.

Re shouting yourself - this is so understandable and sometimes whatever we put in place we lose patience ourselves, we are human. However if it's a pattern you're in then it would be good to look at what your own triggers are and your coping mechanisms for stress. I do realise this might sound laughable because living with a PDAer is v high stress. But I am finding I can see a pattern to my own coping going up or down. Often I find my stress lies in areas where I haven't relinquished a sense of control to my PDAer, which is what they need to feel safe. So if I'm trying to insist on eating a certain amount of 'healthy' food before I let my child have treat foods, I'm actually setting us all up for a blowout because I've just added another impossible demand onto my child. That sort of thing.

Thank you for your reply. We have tried the calmer approach with her and it seems to make her worse and think she can get away with everything. So for now the neighbours will haveto deal with the stress and melt downs. I am going to contact social again next week and have also got the school involved so have meetings set up for Tuesday to get a plan in place for school and for after school aswell.

Often I find my stress lies in areas where I haven't relinquished a sense of control to my PDAer, which is what they need to feel safe. So if I'm trying to insist on eating a certain amount of 'healthy' food before I let my child have treat foods, I'm actually setting us all up for a blowout because I've just added another impossible demand onto my child. That sort of thing.

My DD is on the Pathway and I suspect that she has PDA too. I can empathise with this so much, you've explained exactly how it works with me and DD on a way that I couldn't express.

How old is your DD @SiouxsieSiouxStiletto ? Are you in an area where a PDA profile is recognised and a descriptor given within the autism diagnosis? We have found this such a battle. But so necessary, because the strategies are different.

She's 15 and I have no idea, how would I find that out? I do feel a bit overwhelmed, especially as you have to fight for everything. After reading up I'm pretty sure I have ASD & ADHD which doesn't help me to navigate all of this either.

PDA Society website has a page where a few LAs are listed as having position statements, so you could check there, but mine isn't on there and mine did give a descriptor of demand avoidance within the autism diagnosis (although it was a huge battle to get that).

Best way May be to try and connect via social media with other families in your area and ask if any of them have a descriptor within the dx.

What is it about possibly being Autistic and ADHD yourself that makes it hard to navigate? (I'm not at all disagreeing with you Btw, I'm just asking how it impacts you personally.)