I hate myself. I snapped at my son

[2under3inkent]

My son is now 3, he has a speech delay. He does say sentences and words but babbles a lot.
Anyway, I was trying to do a phone call to the hospital about moving my Father to a hospice. My son was talking to me but mainly babbling with the occassional word. I said "I am just on the phone poppet, I'll be done soon" then when it went on hold music I said "what did you say? Can you say it slower for me?" But then the music came off and I was talking to a nurse and she was giving me some info and my son was still babbling so I slid him some colouring and had to move to another room. He followed me and was still babbling. The nurse was getting snappy with me because of how loud he was. I asked if I could ring back later and got given the coldest response ever but I hung up. I was so wound up and he kept babbling. I just snapped and said "talk properly, i cant keep doing this, just talk like everyone else" I have NEVER spoken to him that way. Its made me feel sick. Im just so frustrated when i know he can put words together, clear words as well. I feel like a failure.

You are absolutely NOT a failure not should you hate yourself. You’d likely have done the exact same thing (snapping) even if your DS was reciting bloody sonnets.

What would you say to a friend in the same position? A friend who’s dealing with the impending loss of a parent, the emotional and practical side of that who’s also juggling a toddler? I don’t think you would hate them or blame them for a second. We all misdirect emotion at times. We all get frustrated. It sounds like you’re in an utterly shit situation OP, and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

My go to in times like this is the park. One headphone in, podcast on, present enough to supervise and interact. I find the fresh air that sense of overwhelm and keeps the kids out of the firing line.

Absolutely forgive yourself. You’re doing your best and it’s really hard.

Big cuddles and sorry for being grumpy.

I don’t know how much he understands but there’s no shame in saying ‘Mammy was feeling a bit stressed out and it made her cross but she shouldn’t have snapped at you’. It’s modelling managing emotions and making up after a fight.