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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Advice needed - please

11 replies

amynSaintnixmum · 10/12/2004 16:54

Hi, my ds as is 4 years old and is having real problems at school which have resulted in two exclusions so far (have written about this on other threads). I am at a loss as to what is wrong and I was hoping that someone out there might have experienced something similar. He has always been a very busy little boy and into everything from the moment he could crawl. He also has temper tantrums which can last for 5 minutes but generally only 1 minute. He can be quite destructive for no apparent reason. He is capable of concentrating on something for as long as 2 hours if it interests him (have taken him to cinema twice with no problems) but will not concentrate on something he does not want to do. He can sometimes be aggressive when he doesn't get his own way and this involves shouting, throwing things and sometimes hitting and kicking. He hates shopping and is generally difficult from the moment we walk in the door and until we leave. Sorry I know this is disjointed but I am really confused and desperate to help him. He has seen a paedtrician and she told me yesterday that she has no idea what his problem is. She was really nice but just said that he is a very unusual child and she doesnt know what to do. He is now being referred on to the head community paedtrician to see if he can find out what the problem is. The trouble is that although he is hard work at home we have no where near the amount of trouble with him as they seem to be having at school. At school he apparently refuses to cooperate, throws stuff about, has frequent aggressive outbursts and is generally disruptive. The senco says he presents as a very angry child but although he has a short fuse we just dont see this version of him at home. Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

OP posts:

ladyrobinredbreast · 10/12/2004 17:15

Hi soory you are having a tough time,i havent seen you earlier threads but it sounds like the paed wasnt very helpfulhow many times has she seen your ds??? our ds is the same we find him hard work at home and the school find him extremly difficult,he has difficulty knowing what is expected of him and a lot of his problems stem from frustration....could this be your sons case ..

Original poster

amynSaintnixmum · 10/12/2004 17:20

Yes i think fustration is a big part of the problem. Playschool didnt have a problem with him either. They said he was their puppy as he used to bound around the place and bowl people over on his way to get whatever he wanted. He did have tantrums there but they used to put him on some pillows where he was safe and out of the way and leave him to calm down. They also made an effort to do some one to one with him as he responds really well to this. School claim that they are using similar techniques but for some reason they are unable to manage his behaviour there.

OP posts:

blossomgoodwill · 10/12/2004 17:27

Hi amy

has anyone mentioned adhd as from reading your post it sounds like it may be something along those lines. Obviously I am no expert but do have some experience as I have a dd with sepcial needs.

There is a good adhd link \link{http://premium.netdoktor.com/uk/adhd/index.jsp\here}

ladyrobinredbreast · 10/12/2004 17:32

Is there anything in particular that is upseting him about school or that he finds particularly difficult??
I think that it is important that the school dont just dismiss him as being angry,disruptive etc.
sometimes its hard to know if its just settling in to schoolafter being at nursary different routines and expectations or something else..
Sorry not much help,must have a look for your earlier threadsxxx

Original poster

amynSaintnixmum · 10/12/2004 17:37

I have looked at adhd but he is quite capable of staying on task when he wants to do something its just when he isnt interested that he wriggles about and refuses to cooperate. I always thought he was just a boisterous little boy, I never considered he might have any underlying condition until everything kicked off at school. At the moment he is at school for just one hour a day. He spends this hour with two sn assistants in a little room. At least one of these assistants is trained in restraint techniques so that they can deal with an outburst if necessary. However, on monday i got called after 1/2 an hour to take him home as they were having a particularly hard time with him. I was furious as the whole point of these short sessions is that they dont set him up to fail and i cannot see why there was a need to send him home when he was already out of the classroom and away from the other children. Sorry rant but I just dont know what to do.

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Original poster

amynSaintnixmum · 10/12/2004 17:41

The senco says they can find no triggers for his angry outbursts other than having to do someting he doesnt want to or not getting his own way. The way she said it was like he gets his own way all the time at home which is why we dont have a problem - this is certainly not the case. She also said he likes to be the centre of attention which he often does but other times he likes to be alone.

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Chocol8 · 10/12/2004 17:57

Amy, my ds is now 7 and at 5 was dx as ADHD and Asperger's. He was excluded for his behaviour at 2 nurseries and then for one day at his present mainstream school. They and I have had terrible times with him - he is very disruptive - but the majority of it is when he doesn't want to do as he is told. He has thrown furniture around, hurt the teachers and taken doors off their hinges before now.

He is able to concentrate for quite a while if it is something he is interested in for example videos or trains, which he adores.

As Lady said, the paed does not sound very helpful at all. I remember my paed telling me that she would not tell me it was ADHD if I was not going to give him Ritalin! I dumped her after shouting at the stupid woman.

It is difficult from what I gather, to diagnose as young as 4 years old. How about doing a behaviour diary and note the frequency and length of tantrum and the reason it happened. Then you will have something concrete to show the consultant. Also maybe worth noting his food intake as this may be having some effect too.

I know what you are going through and know it is hard, but please try not to let it stress you too much hon. Thinking of you. x

Original poster

amynSaintnixmum · 10/12/2004 18:08

Thanks Chocol8. We have checked out his diet. He has been found to be sensitive to refined sugars, artificial colours and certain preservatives and we have removed these from his diet since about 3 to 4 weeks ago. TBH I cant say we have seen much of a difference. The only thing that did make a noticable change is when we started giving him Efelex (fish oils and evening primrose tablets) about 2 months ago. Within a couple of days we found that his tantrums were less frequent and also shorter. I was initially very resistant to the idea of a diagnosis as I have always been very wary of labels, but since using mn for the last few weeks I have found out that a diagnosis is essential if ds is going to get the help he needs. Now I dont care what they call it so long as someone helps him - wont be giving him ritalin though. Paed wasnt helpful but in fairness to her she admitted that her colleague was far more experienced than her which was why she wanted to refer ds to him. Trouble is there is at least a 2 month waiting list and its starting to feel as though he is being passed from piller to post because noone knows what to do with him. I feel so sad for him as he is completely isololated from his friends at school and is unhappy about what is happening. He is such a lovely liitle boy, really creative and funny and loving and yet all i hear about him at the moment is negative.

OP posts:

Kittypickle · 10/12/2004 18:35

Can't give any advice but just wanted to say that your DS does come across as all the things you see in him - watching him with your DD it's really hard to believe that he's been excluded from school. I really hope things improve very soon.

ladyrobinredbreast · 11/12/2004 07:36

hi ASNM
sorry i had to go yesterday but just wanted to say that i understand your feelings about labels ...my ds2 has dx of ADHD/ASD and unfortunatly these dx were necesarry for him to get the help he needed..i felt he was being labbeled already difficult,disruptive etc...so his dx was a relief to me in many ways ..sad in others..everyone here knows how you feel,any questions please askor CAT Iif you prefer..xxx

Davrosthesnowwoman · 12/12/2004 09:32

That's right about the labels ladyrb, they're being labelled anyway so it might as well be accurate and helpful. I don't believe the SenCo that they can't find other triggers, they just don't know how to assess the function of behaviour, something I could drone on about! Don't dismiss ritalin either, although I'm not saying rush to get it, you just don't know what you may find helps and how your feelings may change about it once you really know what you're dealing with. Do you tink Efalex is the best given that EPO seems to cause hyperactivity sometime? Not that fish oils of any sort are going to solve the problem 100% but lots of people here use Eskimo Oil for that reason.

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