When do you stop giving a toss about what other people think??

[mrspitt]

Ds is very likely Aspergers or HFA with a bit of ADHD and a wee bit tourettes, as in vocal tics.

He's 6, big boy for his age and i can see people looking at him and i know what they're thinking," he's too old to be behaving like that, or has she no control over her child!"

I don't want to have to explain my son to every person we meet but why do i care what they think anyway???
He is odd and does things he shouldn't, he doesn't give a second thought to other people but that's all the stuff he has no control over. I just feel onlookers just don't get it and it's really starting to bother me. I've spent 6 years trying to teach him all the right stuff.
An incident last week at the toddler group, i didn't see what happened but a granny marched upto me and told me "your son is a menace!!!"
I said, he has difficulties, to which she flounced off. This has got right under my skin!!
How do i toughen up ? and stop caring what they think??

DS2 is 11 years old now and i really don't give a toss what others think 99.9% ofthe time.
Of course I have the odd comment on the odd day that bothers me but i really do think it is in a "isn't that person a twat" type way rather than " my gorgeous boy - why are people so mean" iyswim.
He is lovely and we are happy so screw everyone else.
I think I realised I was over it when i stopped with the quick retorts and the sarcastic put downs - I used to have a whole repetoire of those
We should do a book shouldn't we?

Hi mrspitt! I dont think you ever stop caring about the comments or those looks, but you do learn various coping stratagies - like a certain detachment that allows you to be less mortally offended!
I do feel for you! Toddler groups must be particularly difficult with a 'bigger' child and that comment must have really stung you!
My son is 8 (also big for age!)and it is becoming a bit more obvious to anyone with powers of observation that something is a little different, so I get fewer comments now! I have wondered about a badge (I'm not naughty but autistic) but dont feel comfortable with the concept - I dont like to tell just anyone!

I have days where people staring at dd (CP, drooling, wheelchair) don't bother me and others where I want to kill all of them.
It comes and goes.

Thanks ladies, having quite a hard time with him just now so maybe it's just getting on top of me.
Also have a 4 year old and 2 year old dd's and work as a childminder hence the reason i went to toddlers when i should have known better!
Pagwatch- i'm similar in the thought that "god you're an arse" response rather than thinking "oh my precious child", have never been too protective in that sense cos i know their faults better than anyone.

Magso - It's funny cos as my son is getting older his differences are really starting to show aswell in comparison to his peers and even his sisters. The comment did sting i suppose, but i thought "who the hell are you? you don't know me so why are you speaking to me like that?!"

I know what you mean though about some days it washes over you, maybe have been extra sensitive lately.

I think perhaps the fact that my son is one of the oldest of the children eher is also part of it.
Now he is 11 there is not that question mark in peples mind about his behaviour. If he is having a good day they simply don't notice him. If he is struggling then his behaviour is clearly SN - even to the most determined arse.
So I think we have a screening out of all those ill thought out " gosh what a babyish way to behave" or " what a naughty child" type comments.
What we are left with therefore is only malice and stupidity and I seem to find those less bothersome for some reason.
I think the fact that very protective DS1 is now much bigger than me and is very fit and strong reduces the comments too but then it has always amused me that rugby playing DH never gets stupid or negative comments when he takes DS2 out.
these people are so brave arn't they

I don't think you ever stop caring, its just some days I don't let it bother me.
ds2 is a tall 5 yr old & his disabilities are obvious & he uses his major buggy when out.
Honestly the majority of the time we only get nice comments, smiles & offers of help but sometimes I come across the occasional Ashole, I always think of a witty answer too late.
I did have some bloke last week mutter that at his age ds2 should be walking & thats why kids are all fat these days.