Analysing everything…

[DM1720]

I’m not sure if I’m in denial or if I’m being paranoid.

My son is age 5 and a half. I’ve always worried about him, I’m not sure why but I suppose it’s just a gut thing. However more often than not things iron themselves out as he gets older. For example … his speech wasn’t fully clear by age 4 so I took him to a speech therapist for an assessment. She wasn’t worried but said to keep an eye. Things just fixed themselves by age 4.5.

I often wonder if he has adhd or autism. Tbh I don’t see many autism traits in him but I’ve had a few people (his teacher and swimming teacher) mention that he reminds them of other children with asd they’ve taught.
At home he doesn’t seem like he has asd at all really.. can it happen that his traits come out massively in school/when I’m not around and they settle when he’s comfortable at home??
Here is a bit about him… He’s a bubbly and funny little boy. His behaviour has definitely been tough over the last 2 years. Before this he was the sweetest little boy. He definitely found it hard to part with me when he was going to crcehe but besides that had no major issues as a toddler. he can be defiant and is quite stubborn. He is also a little socially awkward sometimes, especially initiating a conversation but then also often gets along with others with no issues.., one to one he’s definitely better than in a large group. He loves to go to new places, hotels etc and often makes new friends in playgrounds etc. He’s not obsessive about anything really. He loves imaginative play. He’s so creative and super clever. Eye contact is good, met all of his development milestones as a baby/toddler. He definitely has had trouble with emotional regulation in the past but I feel this is improving with age. He’s not a picky eater, he eats really well actually.
His teacher said he’s very fidgety and doesn’t always engage in lessons. I see that at swimming too… he cannot follow instructions like the rest of the children. she said he’s very rigid, 10 steps ahead of everyone else in his class, Wants to play alone at break time sometimes. She has said not to rush out and get an assessment but also said he reminds her so much of another child she taught that got an asd diagnosis. She said maybe some OT might help him.
I'm confused. I’m analysing everything and driving myself up the wall with worry. It’s so draining. Part of me just wants to forget about it all and just enjoy my little boy and part of me wants to get the assessment process started as I know it’s a long journey/takes ages and almost want to do it just to put my mind at ease. My gp said it’s no harm getting an assessment. But do I want to put him through all of the assessment stuff if it’s not necessary. Won’t he wonder why he’s being assessed.

Any thoughts or advice?

Hi OP, personally if professionals are calling it to your attention, and the GP is prepared to refer for assessment, I'd do it. You may regret if you don't, in the event that DC starts to have greater difficulties and you are facing a long wait. Its not just the lead time for assessment, it's how long it then takes to understand his profile and needs and identify and secure the right support?

Worth being aware that ADHD can overshadow autism. ADHD can be successfully treated with meds. This can help self-esteem, especially in an educational environment.

Thank you for your reply. My post was a bit waffley.
I suppose I’m just struggling to see how he could be so different in school to how he is at home. I definitely see how he gets overwhelmed at his football training and swimming lessons and doesn’t engage like the others. And his social skills aren’t amazing. Maybe he has something mild going on and of course this could get better or could get worse.
You’re probably right though and maybe I should get the process started when it’s being mentioned by his teachers and coaches.

Home can be an environment where kids thrive because they are well understood and families work flexibly with each other's quirks?

Don't worry about the assessment being obtrusive - whilst there may be a play- based assessment at the end, loads of information will be gathered from you and school and through observation that DC will not be aware of. My DC was older, but we explained it was possible somethings might be a bit harder for him than other people and it that was the case there were some changes to make that could help.

Some teachers tried really quite hard to put us off getting an assessment because my DC doesn't conform to some autistic stereotypes (eg. eye contact, sociability), and his difficulties were written off as behavioural. Unfortunately they were wrong and he went undiagnosed for a long time, leading to some real difficulties later with schooling and poor self esteem.

Absolute carry on enjoying him OP, he sounds lovely!

Sorry - should also say my no.1 learning was that autism and adhd aren't what I thought they were.

It isn’t uncommon for DC to present differently in different environments. It may also be because you are adapting and meeting his needs more closely.

If the possibility has been raised by multiple people and the GP has agreed to a referral I would pursue an assessment. I think there is enough in your post to suggest it is warranted.

What support is the school providing?

Thank you all for your replies. They are so helpful. Good to know the assessment isn’t obtrusive for him. I’d hate to put him through something that wasn’t necessary and make him wonder why he’s being checked out. He’s a clever boy and I know he would like to know what’s going on. I’m not sure how I’d explain it but that is something for me to worry about another time!
What would you say you learned @alltheevennumbers about adhd and autism that you didn’t know?
i suppose @ThomasWasTortured youre right that we make a lot of allowances for him and his little quirks. We do cater for his needs at home and I do a lot of research on how to deal with his behaviours. I know him so well that maybe I havnt really realised how much I do for him until I sit and think about it. I suppose as well I keep thinking a child with asd or adhd would be much more difficult to live with and much more rigid in his ways. He’s so good in so many ways it’s hard to believe.
im just finding this very difficult to stomach and not taking it very well. I almost have a mourning feeling like I’m losing him or something. He was just the most wonderful baby and toddler and I’m not sure where it all changed and why his behaviour has gotten difficult. Is this what most people go through? It’s a rotten feeling. Just such mixed emotions. I know he hasn’t got a diagnosis yet but I feel I need to prepare myself just in case.