I feel like this is going to be long. Bit of background - we live in Germany and have done since DD was 3. We have been going through the 'diagnostic' process for nearly 5 years. DD has been described as complicated and complex which is why this has taken so long. From the outset the 'running theory' has always been ASD but here at least, they are very rigid in their understanding of ASD. What I mean by that is, ASD is still very stereotype based, i.e non verbal, hand flapping, avoiding eye contact, even the terminology is outdated, still using Asperger's for example. Everything is outdated, schools have refused to believe the running theory of ASD because she is 'too smart'.
In order to try and get some support, DD was given an interim diagnosis of GAD and ODD, even this seemed weird, her specialist stated outright DD didn't have these, but she needed some sort of diagnosis to access support. This was of no help though as schools deemed ODD and GAD not real 'problems'. DD was enrolled in a Special Needs school, but during her time there I had the headteacher telling me GAD was not a medical problem and "everyone has anxiety". My point here is that it is extremely difficult to get anyone to acknowledge DD is different, that she needs support, and that she can't just learn to deal with it like everyone else.
We finally have a diagnosis of ASD with a PDA profile. I feel like our battle has only just begun school wise. DD just can't cope with school, all of it. I have read through recommendations from the PDA society for how teachers and schools can help her, I am not hopeful that they will consider any of them. We have already been told "we cannot do things just for her" but now we have the ASD diagnosis.
DD is 12 now, school is a living nightmare. She is constantly overwhelmed, has 1 or 2 friends but no best friend, she struggles with lessons being 'boring'. She cannot deal with the repetitive work, endless pages of sums, and writing text has always been a huge problem. She is bilingual with English being her first language, and English lessons are insufferable for her. The teacher has said only with perfect test scores will she be given more advanced work, but this is defeating the point. There are some teachers she is simply afraid of, the IT room - I don't know what it is but she won't go in there. There is no 'safe' place in the whole school, nowhere to decompress or calm down.
I don't even know where to begin with what to ask for in terms of support. Up until now at least, we have been told "we cannot do things just for her" but they have a legal requirement to support her. What do I ask for? I am starting from literally nothing, an outright refusal to do anything.