DS is a Year 5 student who is autistic and experiences behavioural issues at times, such as swearing, running away, refusing adult direction, and occasional pushing and kicking when he becomes angry. These behaviours occur cyclically, with good periods and challenging periods.
Prior to the Easter holidays, DS was in a calm and happy phase, and a meeting was held with the school to discuss his upcoming residential trip, which involved a 2-night stay away from home. everyone was very positive.
Last year, DS attended a YR 4 overnight trip with his neurotypical twin, and it was very successful.
During the meeting, the school agreed that DS's twin could join his class, even though this meant leaving her own class (as they are on separate weeks but she's prone to anxiety and wants to be with her twin)
However, after the Easter holidays, DS became very dysregulated, likely due to starting a 2-week swimming programme that was part of the national curriculum. On day 3 he went to the session and had an amazing time in the pool as he is an intermediate swimmer and for the first time he felt he was able to keep up with this class. It went downhill when he left the fitness centre. He became angry when he was the last to leave the fitness centre after his swimming class, despite being with his 1:1 assistant. He attempted to run away and push his 1:1 assistant, and it took several adults to calm him down. This event was considered a risk to others, and a meeting was held to discuss DS's behaviour.
SENCO met with head teacher prior to our meeting to discuss her concerns about DS's behavior and it was decided by the head that DS will not be allowed to stay overnight on the upcoming trip. Instead, his father will collect him in the evening and he can return to the campsite in the morning. Regarding DD, the teachers offered her the option to rejoin her class for the residential trip. But she wants to stay with her brother.
I can see the school’s POV definitely about DS’s behaviour – it can be unpredictable and challenging. but it can also be charming and sweet. he goes up and down! He’s never been excluded, but he's more challenging this year. he’s not bonded well with his 1:1 or his class teacher who doesn’t seem to know what to do with him. In the previous year, he had an amazing 1:1 who understood him as well as a wonderful class teacher who also ‘got him’. We didn’t have any incidents last year where the school needed to call me in to discuss.
I wanted to school to give him a chance, to allow DS to stay the night (as he really wants to) to let him try his best and at the first hint of disruption, the teachers can call us and his dad will come over immediately to pick him up (camp site in the forest, 20 min drive away). But the school is refusing. I’m normally a very passive parent, I’ve got a good relationship with the school, I really wanted this for DS, because he suffers so much from low self esteem, given his SEN issues. Am I being unreasonable?