My son 9 has elements of ODD. This is something I’ve been worried about since he was 4, but put it down to needing to mature. His eldest brother has ASD & ADHD but in a mainstream school and doing alright. 9 though is hot headed. So hot headed. He’s got a heart of gold, wants to please others- the most affectionate child but when something doesn’t go his way he will kick off, argue, he’d be great at interrogating because he breaks me sometimes! He also shut’s down, tenses up, want to break something. It gets intense. He seldom gets violent but has happened on occasions.
We’re pretty good at calming him down, give him space, he’ll come and apologise and turn into a soppy thing you’d think was 3 or 4. He gets consequences for his actions though of course.
Anyway, it’s getting a bit more harder to manage at school. Whilst certainly less frequent. Maybe one bad outburst a month, a couple of mini ones throughout the months. I’m worried we’re past the stage of is this maturity or does he need some additional support.
Ive asked him this before and he’s said no to speaking to a dr about it, I know not his choice really but I’m an open parent and don’t hide my thoughts around health and how we can improve situations. However today he said ok. His teacher has mentioned oppositional defiance and I’m inclined to agree there’s elements. There’s actually a diagram that sits across adhd and ODD that sums it up and I’ve attached and crossed out what isn’t applicable.
How does it work nowadays, I want to help him but it’s changed since my eldest was diagnosed 8 years ago. Do school have to instigate, do I? Do we see the GP?
I’m worried that the senior school his brother goes to won’t tolerate him and his needs, without a diagnosis. The amount of times they have said to me “fortunately in this instance *s diagnosis protects him from immediate disciplinary action” (not a violent kid- he struggles with social things, asked a girl of Chinese ethnicity if she ate dogs- awful for her I know; but silly things like that which ultimately end up as a useful lesson in social skills but a prior warning to us that if he didn’t have his diagnosis he would have been expelled for hate speech.)
I remember it was a slow and painful process, probably why we’ve put it off for so long, but do you think it’s time I got the ball rolling?
also Mumsnet I’d appreciate if this is one that didn’t get shared across your social media platforms- stick to the AIBU posts, they’re always more entertaining anyway!