She is 8 years old and becoming increasingly more demanding, unsurprisingly she is on the pathway for an ASD diagnosis. She got so much 1:1 time when she was younger, our only child, the only grandchild on both sides, only niece and great niece.
I had my second daughter when my eldest began school because I wanted to spend the same quality 1:1 time with her- I was able to work part-time with both of them. Then covid hit when my youngest daughter was 1 year old (almost 2) and my attention was diverted to my eldest daughter again- home schooling her for around a year.
I then had just 6 months before my youngest daughter began preschool. Although it wasn't compulsory for her to attend, I was expected to put her in daily to maintain our place, so I lost even more time with her. It was also childcare for when I was working. When I had my eldest daughter, the system had been very different as she didn't have to attend everyday to maintain her place.
I am a specialist teacher, so I get the same holidays as my girls which is very handy, however, again, the time is diverted to my eldest child and I am noticing and becoming frustrated at my eldest daughter's need for constant attention... she seems to flit between monologuing, meltdowns and playing up and being hyperactive for attention.
My younger daughter seems ok overall but clearly gets frustrated but I just feel like I miss out on her. I managed to spend some 1:1 time with just her for a full day this week and it was just bliss. I never realised how clever she is and how much she understands the world around her (she's now almost 5). It was so pleasant to spend this time together but I realised how little attention she gets when her older sister is with us.
I am now considering putting my eldest daughter into a holiday club over the summer holidays for two of the six weeks that we have here in England. I mentioned it to my eldest daughter yesterday and she was delirious. She started crying and said how I should want to spend time with her when I can, that school holidays are for family time and why should she have to go and her younger sister not go?
She is such a handful though, I need some respite. It's not like I can book days off work when she's at school to get things done either, also now my youngest daughter is in reception, school is completely so I can't pull her out to spend 1:1 time with her either when my eldest is at school.
A part of me feels very guilty as I do enjoy being with my younger daughter more at the moment. Both of them together is hard work, draining and the more I give to her, the more she seems to want. I am sure if I didn't have to spend so much time with her during the holidays, I would enjoy her more when I do spend time with her.
What are your thoughts?
Should I put her in school holiday club anyway? Is it fair to put her in and keep her younger sibling at home so that we can spend some 1:1 time together?
For background, I am divorced from her Dad, but he works away a lot so sees them every other weekend. I seem to just catch up on jobs during this time so it isn't exactly down time for me.