DD starting to hit at nursery

[Seasonofthewitch83]

DD is 2.9 and at nursery 5 days a week - happy and settled, great relationship with keyworker.

Background: DD has language delay - knows hundreds of nouns, can form a handful of small sentences 'Daddy where are you?' 'More juice please' that have taken months of constant repetition for her to learn. We start private therapy next week, as our concerns are largely her not talking at all outside the house - she went months at nursery of being non verbal but is now at one word speech. She also has a lack of expressive/functional language - she doesnt really communicate her needs. Upon observation, the speech therapist said she would not be surprised if DD was later diagnosed with autism - its not recognisable as she doesnt stim or do any of the more common ASD traits but they believe her noise sensitivity and speech delay is a sign.

She is really sensitive to the sound of other children and of sirens. Its not ALL the time, its like she has a pressure gauge and if its maxed out she cant cope at all. Nursery are great at recognising her need for quiet time.

The issue we have now is she has started to try and hit children that make too much noise.

On Friday we went to an easter egg hunt, and then a playground. She was having a great time and not bothered about the noise from other children (whereas sometimes it just takes one child across the street for her to meltdown). However there was an older girl who started screeching (tbf, it was annoying!) and DD marched up to her and tried to hit her. We have never seen her do this before - she normally cries and wants to be picked up. I explained how we do not hit because its not kind and removed her from the sound.

I thought it was a one off, however last night at nursery pick up, she was all happy when another child started to cry and DD went to smack her. Nursery anticipated this, which makes me think its not new behaviour and I will discuss it with them later.

My question is, do I just treat this as I would an ND child, and explain how we do not hit? I feel her issue is because she cannot communicate her upset at the noise, shes now hitting (no idea where shes picked that up from!). Its obviously some kind of gut reaction towards the triggering sound.

Anyone experienced similar who can advise?

Our Dd didn't hit but she did have speech delay and meltdowns at this age, plus she was a very fussy eater.

She's now on the Pathway for assessment for ASD.

Do you think it would be worth asking for a referral for Assessment now? I know that in some areas the process can take years.

Hi @Seasonofthewitch83 my DS did this at around the same age, he would get so overwhelmed and would want to noise to stop, and because he didn’t have the words to tell anyone he would just lash out.
Unfortunately, it just meant us having to keep a very close eye on his when out to be able to intervene, I became an expert at identifying when he was about to hit.
DS is now 4, and over the last 6 months he has really improved, he now understands a lot more and can remove himself from the situation.
In nursery, he has one to one, and a quiet room, and when he gets overwhelmed he goes in there to calm down. Have nursery put anything in place?

Does your DD respond to or use signs? We used to model a sign for "noisy" with us holding our hands over our ears and looking upset. If your DD could learn to use that sign, she might be able to use it to convey her distress to the other child/ten making the noise rather than using hitting to communicate it.

I presume you have tried ear defenders ....

I absolutely know what you mean about her noise threshold being variable according to overall stress/sensory factors, this is exactly what it is.

I would second the pp who suggested getting onto the ASC pathway now, in case there are long delays.

Our OT advised on just this issue recently. Our DS was (still is sometimes, but less) hitting other children when they cry, or even hitting to get some sound out of them - he had a phase of targeting other children who also had a speech delay, which frankly is a bit rich coming from him!

The OT advised heading him off at the pass, holding his hand before he can hit, and demonstrating language or actions that are more appropriate (so in your DD's case, demonstrate "say, no shouting please" or say "let's go somewhere quiet" and remove her from the situation, or some other appropriate action, even if she can't quite say the words quite yet). The OT did warn this will take time and repetition, but it's about working out what they're trying to communicate with the hitting, stopping them before they hit, and helping them say/do what they want to achieve through the hitting in a more positive way. And rinse repeat until the behaviour eventually changes.

@Scratchybaby So far she seems to be singling those out who make the most noise! She also hates crying which is also rich coming from her :) But great advice thank you - repetition of verbalising the feeling will be helpful and I will ask nursery to also implement it.

@quickchangeof Ear defenders seem to work better at nursery than at home but I guess she already knows to utilise the tools at her disposal. We have been referred for ASD diagnosis which I am hoping comes in before primary school begins.

@Frustratedandmotivated Yes nursery have a quiet sensory room which she is taken into when she is overwhelmed - I think the hitting is a strange one because it seems to happen because shes having a lovely time and the noise/crying jolts her out of it. It seems to happen when shes NOT overwhelmed.

@SiouxsieSiouxStiletto We have been referred by the speech therapist, better to get on early as we never know what other things she may start to struggle with!