I am not sure if what I write here will be of any use to anyone, but I have a need to share what has happened, so that hopefully someone somewhere will read it and get their child the help he/she needs. I do not wish to upset anyone, it is purely so that maybe someone will benefit from it. That is why I am posting it in the Special Needs Section, where I have had great advice in the past. Anyway I am rambling on and I’m sure not making much sense, so I suppose it is best to just begin.
My brother was murdered on the 8th September 2004. He was the victim of a bully who savagely stabbed him repeatedly in the back. As one newspaper’s headline read “Butchered in Knife Frenzy”. There were no defence wounds. He was 33 years old.
My brother had a difficult life. He never quite ‘fitted in’. He was labelled a ‘naughty boy’ from an early age. My parents tried and tried and tried to get help for him and never got it. He did get a diagnosis of dyslexia. He attended a school for kids who didn’t ‘fit in’ at one point (which he really liked) but other than that his schooling was a complete nightmare – he always attracted bullies in every shape and form. He was put on antidepressants at the age of eight.
I believe he suffered from ADHD and Aspergers. He had no diagnosis as a child. My own son has High Functioning Autism, and learning more about the condition, I so often saw and heard my brother described in the books I read and conferences I attended. My brother was born at a time when there was little help for children like him. My parents were told at one point it was because my Dad worked too much!
His adult life continued to be as traumatic for him as his childhood was. Occasionally he got involved in drink and drugs to numb the pain. He couldn’t hold down a job for more than a few months. He treated my parents so badly at times. He finally got ‘a’ diagnosis in his late 20s as having congenital schizophrenia. He had been receiving DLA for the last 3-4 years.
Being four years older than him, I always felt compelled to ‘look after him’ and ‘make things right’, but of course I (or anyone) couldn’t do that. As children he hated me bossing him about and we rowed constantly. But I loved him. My heart was broken so many times, seeing him in such pain. In the last 10 years I saw him less and less as I just couldn’t take any more pain – I had enough to deal with in my own life. That may sound very cruel to someone who hasn’t been in this position, but believe me there is only so much a person can take. My parents have had an awful time and I always wished I could protect them too. No matter what, they always had hope for him, they could never fully believe that the path my brother was on was not going to change. They so wanted him to have a happy life.
Anyway the reason for my writing this is to highlight what CAN happen if a child with ‘mild’ special needs does not get the help, support and understanding that he/she needs. We, as parents, must protect our children’s mental health. I have always tried to do this with my own son. I have seen the damage that can be caused. I was dogmatic about him not starting school in P1 without a classroom assistant. I will never allow them to take away that support without the fight of my life. He finds school hard enough without them taking away that crutch.
People have been shocked by what has happened to my brother. They have also been surprised by how my family have coped. We could see that the path he was on was dangerous, although we could never have envisaged this outcome. We have grieved for him so many times. He was an easy target. He was very very vulnerable – unable to learn by his mistakes. We could do nothing to protect him.
He was murdered in his own flat because a person was trying to steal his UB40 CD and my brother was trying to stop him. Another ‘person’ (and I use that term loosely) came up behind my brother and stabbed him several times in the back. Totally unprovoked. Totally unnecessary.
My poor poor brother. Noone can ever bully him again. He is now finally at peace.