First of all please know that when I say "wrong" I see nothing negative about my son. He is quite simply the Best Human I've ever met but I think he needs some help. It's a long post but I don't want to drip feed so I'm going to include everything I can even if it might not be relevant.
Ds is 7. He's my second one. Twenty months younger than my first. His dad and I divorced when he was three. Completely amicable and he sees dad regularly. New partner now lives with us (no step children and no plans for additional children from New relationship). All good at home.
Because of his age, he lost final year I'd nursery and some of reception for covid. He was an incredibly placid baby but grew into a reasonably willful (not unusually so ) toddler. He found settling into school tricky and has never enjoyed learning in the formal sense of the word.
His year one teacher was a star and understood him really well. She broached the subject of possible asd or him being different. She talked about him being overly upset at what other children might find trivial. She also talked about some sensory issues eg being overly bothered by clothes labels tickling him.
He's bright and very articulate. He finished year one at greater depth for maths and reading but is a very reluctant writer. Now into year two they're getting very little work out of him and school say he seems unhappy and appears to have low self esteem. Academically he's gone from exceeding expectations to meeting them which I know is still good but it's not where you'd hope. He tells me he hates school. No bullying issues or friendship issues.
Outside of school he was in a football team but he lost interest when he felt that other kids were "mean" not passing to him etc.
At school he often says he can't do this, cries, rips or scribbles on his work. School have in place nurture group and Elsa. I'm a teacher and have always taught older children but I now teach the same age range (different school) and recognise he would stand out in my class as different. His teacher says he can't organise himself to get down to work and rolls around the classroom, makes silly noises and calls out.
He has a provision plan in place with targets to get down to work with his own choice of work place etc. The school asked me to contact gp re possible asd. Gp happened to have a son in same football team and had noticed and agreed to refer. In terms of asd "symptoms" he prefers to play alone at home and can fixate on interests for example he is obsessed with the Titanic. Will read about it, draw pictures of it, talk about it.
Recently it all came to a head when he got to school and took some scissors, tried to cut himself, and said he wants to die. School couldn't contact me immediately as I was at an interview so they rang camhs who said he needs to go to a and e despite not being physically hurt to get him into camhs system. I did this as soon as I got the message. The next day he had a camhs appointment and basically said he wants to die because there's no school in heaven. They discharged him on the basis school have nurture and Elsa in place and that he has paediatrician in two weeks for possible asd. School have a Semh referral in the pipe line.
At home he's happy. Likes to do his own thing and is a quirky out of the box thinker. He occasionally has what I'd describe as meltdowns if his brother has upset him (usual sibling stuff) he seems to struggle to regulate and "bring himself down" when he's angry. He's not physically aggressive but occasionally says he hates us hates his family etc. We tend to respond by saying well we love you very much and when you're feeling better we will play with you or talk etc but on the whole he is an ordinary, if a little quirky and a bit of a loner, at home.
I just want him to be happy and successful. If you've read this far, thank you