Good books on parenting for ADHD/ASD?

[FledglingFountainPen]

I have a five year old boy and school have said there is definitely an underlying issue. I suspect ADHD, school thinks ASD. School have advised we wait and see how his traits emerge before pursuing a diagnosis because it can be stressful, particularly for the child - but I'd love a book on parenting ND kids. He has mad hyper episodes when very tired and overwhelmed - he gets very silly and it's tough to calm him down. We've tried breathing exercises but that doesn't seem to work.

Does anyone have any recommendations?

There's the Explosive Child but I think that's more to do with tantrums.

Out of Sync Child might help. Explosive Child is very good, and not just about tantrums.

This book is quite old now; but it’s clearly written:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Understanding-Attention-Hyperactivity-Disorder-Children/dp/0091817005/ref=nodl_

He has mad hyper episodes when very tired and overwhelmed - he gets very silly and it's tough to calm him down.

For this type of thing you might find The out of sync child / out of sync child has fun useful. Lots of outside time might help, bouncing on a trampoline, heavy work, that sort of thing.

How to raise a happy autistic child is pretty good as a basic book and Luke Beardon’s autism & asperger syndrome in children. I think the main difficulty is that children present so differently that it’s hard to find something that’s going to resonate entirely so people often look for books on solutions to specific issues they are facing at any given time.

From all the reading I have done (autism specific and general) the common threads are:

• unstructured time outside is the absolutely best thing for all kids and they should have as much of it as possible (lots of OT based books about this. I liked Balanced & Barefoot).
• little screen time - best to get into good habits while they are young.
• do not over schedule your child (after school clubs etc.). They need time to play that is not structured by adults.
• identify any sensory issues and support these appropriately (the out of sync child books are good here)
• use an authoritative / positive parenting style. Read books written by psychologists rather than those written from a behaviourist approach. If your child has PDA they will need a specific approach (I liked 10 days to a less defiant child, good inside, the book you wish your parents had read - connection with your child is key).
• do not expect things from your child that they are not developmentally capable of. If your child is ND then many skills may lag, they need scaffolding and support.
• find ways to look after yourself and to manage your own stress levels.
• work on your own childhood trauma as this will come out in your parenting - your child will push the buttons of those wounds, this is why you react negatively when they kick off (see psychology books above).

I’m currently reading The parenting map, Peaceful discipline and Differently wired (I always have several on the go) but too early to recommend any. Dr Shefali’s approach is interesting because it’s doubly true to parents of ND kids, that you need to let go of who you wanted your child to be (or thought they would be) because they are already their own person.

Anyway, I could waffle on. I love reading this sort of stuff.

Thank you for taking the time to type all that, I really appreciate it!

A huge thanks from me too @openupmyeagereyes.

I think I particularly need to read up in PDA more.

https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/life-with-pda-menu/family-life-intro/helpful-approaches-children/

Lots of info on the PDA society website.

The declarative language handbook is probably good for PDA too, that’s good alongside The coregulation handbook. Info here plus a good interview with her on the Tilt parenting podcast.

https://www.declarativelanguage.com/