Feel like I've let my son down

[MixedUpChameleon]

I feel really sad about my little boy tonight. It's just hit me how depressed he seems lately. He is autistic which we've known really since he was 2/3 but it's much more obvious now that he's 7. He was officially diagnosed in December. He's always managed ok but this school year has been a real struggle for him. To be honest he just seems like a very depressed little boy. I have had to ban his iPad time as that's all he wants to do and I find it has affected his mood quite a lot with how much time he spends on it. He seems to isolate a lot more now than he used to.

I just want to know how to help him.

I've been reading a book I've had on the shelf for years 'optimum nutrition for the mind' there's a chapter about autism in there and it suggests supplements and diet changes that can help with some of the symptoms of Autism. From this I have sent off for him to be tested for peptides in the urine from diary and gluten. Will see what the results are.

In the meantime I'm just at a loss on how to help life be a little less overwhelming for him. I feel he needs some sort of therapy but as I'm new to all this I don't know the first thing about it all.

Just feeling sad and like I've really let him down.

Not really sure what I want from this message just needed to rant.

What support is DS receiving?

Does he have an EHCP?

Has he has SALT, OT and MH assessments?

How is DS’s sleep?

He doesn't have an EHCP. I had a meeting with his teacher and Senco last week and they told me he doesn't need an EHCP. He is in 'green' on all the learning areas it's more the emotional/ social and sensory side he really struggles with.

Sleep - he's actually sleeping through at the moment but take us back 6 weeks ago he was waking 3 to 4 times a night. He has good and bad phases with sleep.

Support at school. He has his desk away from the other children as he hates them looking at him or touching his things. He has a guard/wall thing around his work area so no one can see what he's doing. He has ear defenders which he wears a lot apparently (this is a new thing). He is allowed to take himself off to the 'zen zone' whenever things become overwhelming for him. I feel the support at school is good and his teacher really seems to understand him. He just seems more isolated now from his peers and less interested in playing with friends or his sister anymore.

I don't know what salt MH or the other are? He's had a paediatrician come in and diagnose and apparently we're now waiting on a lady to come in and assess him to advise me on what he needs? I'm assuming that's probably salt or MH?

An EHCP is Education, Health and Care Plan. If DS doesn’t have an EHCP you can request an EHCNA (the needs assessment prior to the LA issuing an EHCP or not) yourself, IPSEA (a charity who supports parents) have a model letter you can use on their website.

SALT is speech and language therapy, OT is occupational therapy and MH stands for mental health.

Ok thanks. No he hasn't had any of these yet. He needs support but I don't know where to start.

Don’t listen to the school telling you DS doesn’t need an EHCP. Unfortunately schools often tell parents their DC don’t need or won’t get an EHCP but the parents go on to successfully apply themselves. EHCPs are about more than academics. Emotional, social and sensory needs are considered.

Is the school providing any other support? For example, emotional literacy support, zones of regulation, sensory circuits, drawing and talking, Lego therapy, nurture group, social skills support. Also things like a wobble cushion, sensory bands on his chair or exercise ball/peanut ball or a bouncy/sensory rocker chair, weighted lap pad.

You could ask for melatonin for the bad phases of sleep.

In some areas you can self refer to SALT, OT, CAMHS. If you can’t the GP can. If you apply for an EHCNA and the LA agree to assess then they can be part of the needs assessment without sitting on the normal waiting lists.

Thank you for all this info. I think he would benefit from SALT. I will consult our GP and ask for a referral.

The school have lots of things in place for him. He has a special chair that's bigger than the rest so he can wriggle. He has fidget toys on his desk. His own set of pens etc. They mentioned Lego therapy during parents evening so I'll follow up and make sure that actually happens.

I've got a lot to learn. Just from this conversation with you I realise how little I know in terms of support out there for him. I want to look into some sort of therapy for him to do outside of school, possibly privately but I woudlnt have the first clue of what. What he actually needs. I have a lot to learn it seems.

Thanks for your help.

An EHCNA will help pinpoint what therapies and other provision DS needs. It really sounds like a sensory OT assessment would help.

IPSEA and SOSSEN have lots of helpful information on their websites and they both have advice lines too.

Scope offer mentoring to parents of DC diagnosed within the last year.