Asking all expert mothers on here their advise - sorry a bit long

[cantputfingeron]

DS is nearly 5 and I have been told by teacher that she wants him observed by a specialist in school as she thinks he has problems with relating to others. She has made veiled suggestions that he might be SN.

I know that there are many threads like this, but I still hope some of you will find the time to comment as I know there are many experienced mums on the subject in this section and this is really worrying me at the moment.

This is DS (sorry a bit long) and I think he?s normal?.but I am open to any advice or insight you can give as I am so used to him.

• He always understands me and members of our family perfectly and can be cheeky in his replies, but his teacher has told me that he cannot stand still in class, seems like he?s not listening and always on his own planet.

• He can be quite clumsy socially, so he?s either too shy or too forward with new kids, and I believe this is what the school has noticed as he didn?t know anybody in his class when he started.

• He was potty trained by 3, with a few accidents still happening at night.

Eats and sleeps ok.

• He is learning to read, loves books etc. always has. He?s finding writing difficult and only lately with much persuasion has started to hold his pen right. Still doesn?t like to use fork and knife and will revert to hands when not watched.

• He occasionally has huge, screaming tantrums if he doesn?t get his own way. He doesn?t get violent with people but just goes mad and this can go on for half an hour until he can do something very extreme like ripping a poster from the wall or breaking a toy if not stopped.

• He used to be scared of hairdryers and dryers in public toilets , but has grown out of it so much that now he plays with them (especially the ones in the public toilets!)

• He used to hate having his hair cut, because of fear of scissors until he was 3 - but now he will seat still and enjoy his haircut as long as he gets a sticker at the end

• He always asked why questions since he was 3, however at the time it would just be why over and over- wasn't listening to answer iyswim, but now will ask Why about something and then will make his own remarks - i.e. After I read him "The ugly ducling" story he asked: Mummy why is everybody mean to the ugly duckling? - answer: because he's different, and DS remark: "that's not fair, he's a nice duckling!"

• He shows a lot of empathy with people if he believes they are sad or not well

• he's very affectionate not just with me and dp, but also with friends little children (he will cuddle them and give them a hug when they are leaving.)

• Nursery always thought he was a star. GP thinks he's absolutely normal for his age.

hi AlMummy and all

the meeting was quite nerve wrecking for me, but I am feeling much better.

The teacher seemed to have changed attitude and said that they want to observe him as they think that if he is rather shy they need to find strategies for him to overcome that as it might be stopping him from learning and enjoying the whole school experience.

No mention was made of SN concerns this time and she said that he has started to make friends, but needs to learn to maintain them as he very often shies away from playing games if a new kid is involved in the group.

He doesn't make a big deal out of it, but just refuses to play and prefers to be on his own. But then - she said, it could just well be his personality and there is nothing wrong with it....

I am now looking forward to him joining the social skills group to see how it goes....

Hi.
My son is nearly eight and he is dyspraxic and ADHD. The sensory issues you mentioned sound a little like my son who will still resist hair cuts when possible. he doesn't like people touching his hair. He doesn't like certain clothes and only likes to wear his school shoes (everywhere). I wouldn't worry too much about these things at his age, it sounds pretty normal. If it carries on, then maybe investigete it. I couldn't care what the names are for the problems that my son has as he is lovely. Just adapt to him and love him for whatever problems he has. Remain consistent with routines and structure and do what ever you can to raise self esteem. And always listen first and then act. Sometimes my child has done some very strange things, but when he explains why it makes sense. I know that this is a bit rambling but hope some of it helps!

thanks MissBrown- I agree that the name they give to his behaviour won't change him or the way I feel about him....

I do find that now I try to correct his behaviour when I don't think it's appropriate- i.e. he will go around with a soft toy cat and pretend he's a cat and talk like a cat. Or he will say things out of the blue while I am in conversation with adult friends just to get our attention. Normally these are sentences he's heard in a movie which he finds very funny.

The problem is that I don't know anymore what is appropriate behaviour for his age and I can see that some of the things he does can be seen as odd in the classroom. However when he meets with his old friends from nursery they all seem to do the same things and have a big laugh about the silly things they do/say and he has a whale of a time.

SO since original conversation with teacher I find his behaviour worrying sometimes, but I find the same behaviour cute in his little friends - how strange is that?

I am worried that if he behaves silly during observation he might be labelled wrongly. Also on the other end I want to check that his behaviour is deliberately silly and he can actually be talked through behaving normally (whatever that means).

HOWEVER this morning he really froze me after I had told him that I didn't like what he was doing, when he turned around and smiling very cheeckily said to me: mummy, do you like when I am sleeping only then?

Please tell me I am completely obsessing and to stop it.....

Hi Cantputafingeron.

Your little boy sounds like a completely normal gorgeous child to me. The thing that he said this morning is probably just him being cheeky. I have a two year old who give most comedians a run for their money in retorts. She has an obsession with skin contact despite being breast fed for as long as she wanted, (was only 8 months but she started biting and pushing me away!) She does the most peculiar things but I am trying to accept that is just how she is. I also have a six year old who is obsessed with boys! Sometimes they are just who they are. I think that we can all act a bit odd at times!

As for the assessment worry, they would never just base any diagnosis on just one meeting. It took two years for his problems to be diagnosed and numerous health professionals, teachers, etc.

The best advice that I could give is to go with your instinct. If you didn't think that there was anything wrong before it was mentioned to you, go with that until you are told otherwise. I think that us mothers sometimes are so worried about what other people think that we forget how to trust our own instincts. I started to worry about my son before he was even walking. Your son sounds lovely and he is probably just finding his way in the world.
Let us all know how he gets on. x