Has anyone lost friends due to having a SN child?

[Usernamqwerty]

Has anyone lost friends due to having a SN child?

I have a six year old and a four year both awaiting assessment. I do a lot of solo parenting due to other half's commitments and it's hard...

Lots of aggressive behaviours, including hitting me, emotional regulation issues with anger, frustration and anxiety. Neither of them listen to or follow instructions.

I do have professional support and it's needed. Parenting my two has put a big strain on my mental health and I constantly question my parenting ability.

Anyway, a friend of mine for about 8 years (with no children) recently messaged me and made me feel quite upset. I was saying how hard I was finding everything with the kids and that my youngest had woken at 6 that day which was super early 🤦. She replied saying I should just learn to enjoy them because not everyone can have kids. I was really shocked and upset... Should I be looking elsewhere for support?

Ugh, I hate this. Never feel any emotion other than happiness now that you’re a parent because someone else can’t even have them.

Yes you should be looking elsewhere for support. Someone who will listen to you talk about the challenges you face without shutting them down because “other people this other people that”.

Is it possible that she wants children but can't have them/it isn't happening for her. Not that that excuses actually saying it but it's hard not to become resentful.
When DD's behaviour was at it's worst I list a lot of friends (especially among the school mums) and one or two haven't come back. I found the best support to be a local SEN parents group I found.

Yes. Hearing people have said to avoid your child because they are trouble is gut wrenching. I’ve actively made an effort to reach out to other mums who I know are going through things similar to me because I know how lonely it can be at times. Having said that, support has come to me from unexpected sources. When I unloaded a lot of problems on my sister (who I had previously been reluctant to share the gory details with), my BIL sent me the most heartfelt email that blew me away with his kindness. The people that understand the struggle will be there for you and the rest aren’t worth spending time thinking about.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. It's been two weeks now with no contact from my friend. Very strange and sad...

Yes I have lost friends. Two where they expected me to always accommodate them, so when I had a child with SEN I still used to visit them, but noticed they chose not to see just how difficult it was for me now. So I stopped doing everything that suited them, and now I never see them.

Unfortuately it really shows up whether our friends really care about us, or whether our friendship was just more convenient and fitted around them.

I've found it a lonely process, ever since having my little one in lock down to now he has been diagnosed autistic, until you have a child with needs I don't think people really understand

Yes OP, I had a similar experience, I was blind sided by the lack of empathy from some of my so called friends,however, when I thought hard about it there were red flags about them previously which I failed to recognise.
The problem now is no time/energy/ opportunity to socialise and make new friends. I do chat with other SEN child Oarents at SEN events which helps.