Y1 Child Suspended - how do I deal with this?

[Playgrind]

I have posted here before with concerns about possible SEN for my DD.

She says she enjoys school and is very bright but is unwilling to go in, I often have to gently coax/persuade/push her into classroom in the morning. The teacher complains she is defiant, and I have complete sympathy as she can be the same at home. She can be anxious around (some) transitions eg. moving from after school club, either though she loves it.

Although she has lots of friends and the teacher reports no peer issues she can have poor physical boundaries and just be a bit "full on" for her female friends in particular.

She an be very emotionally reactive, and gets angry easily. I fully appreciate she must be a challenge to teach, she is not easy to parent either.

She has been suspended from school this afternoon for trying to hurt a teacher and running away from staff, they were chasing her around the school. I am so shocked and I don't know what to think, in terms of going forward.

I've flagged concerns to the school and met with teachers a couple of times but not met with the SENCo yet, though this is planned. I approached GP for CAMHs referral but got the brush off, they suggesting reading a book and doing a parenting course that we'd all ready done.

How do I handle this, how can I make sure that she is getting any support she needs when I don't know the full cause of the behaviour? I normally take away treats/an enjoyable activity but this doesn't seem to really help.

Find your local SENDIASS they are a support service linked to the local authority who are set up to support parents of special needs children navigate the system. They will send someone who knows the system to support you in any meetings.

How long is the suspension for? Have you had the correct paperwork or have they just told you not to bring her in? There should be a meeting with the head tomorrow and again on the first day back. To discuss plans. If you don't have the exclusion paperwork then the exclusion is illegal and you can ignore it.

Sadly the Cahms service is a joke currently. Unless a kid has succeeded in self-harming they do not want to know and even then there is a stupid waiting list. Your GP should be being more supportive. Seek a referral to general paediatrics as things such as autism adhd etc need them to start the process (and again the waiting lists are too long).

Good luck OP!

Wow, thanks for the replies I am working on my way through them.

I think I need to get a written account of the events as I can't see what let up to this. There was a supply teacher in (which DD knew beforehand) which was added uncertainty but obviously doesn't excuse the behaviour. The suspension is just for the day, we will get official paperwork so I guess it may help later as evidence.

In terms of the being "chased", I think this was a figure of speech rather than literally hunted down. My DD is always leaping over fences, disappearing up ahead and generally pushing the boundary of where ever she is supposed to be. I can imagine that she would enjoy it. She certainly doesn't seem to understand how serious this is.

A lot of what I read about PDA sounds familiar (the strategies suggested basically describe the things we know that work for her!). But then I read something else and think that I'm not sure that fits.... She has good motor skills and no issues with working memory for example.

I'm hesitant to say where we are.... But we are going to move somewhere in Sussex in the summer. Of course we don't know about schools yet so hope we can gain some understanding of her behaviour and what works, to take with us when we move.

Struggling with transitions is such a red flag for ASD IMO, it was a huge thing with DS. Not being aware of personal space is another one. Wanting and having friends, especially at this young age definitely doesn't rule out ASD, ds had very good friends all the way to Yr 6, then things started getting trickier.

I've worked supply in mainstream schools with children with ASD and they were sometimes taken into their previous class with a familiar teacher to enable them to cope. Might be worth suggesting this if you think it would help.

I would really read up on ASD and then make a list of everything relevant - for example does she talk too loudly, or talk over people or talk at them not noticing if they are interested or not? Is she very literal for example if you told her she needed to pull her socks up at school - would she think she needed to keep an eye on her socks during lessons? If you were sarcastic would she realise? Does she explain jokes? Is she sensitive to noises, textures or bright lights. Does she obsess over certain things, like hoovers or horses or watching the same tv programme over and over again.

Unfortunately when it comes to getting a child assessed the burden often falls somewhat to the parents to provide enough evidence before you get anywhere IMO. DS's school got in someone from SEND/SENDIAS to observe and she was brilliant so that might be worth asking about (I've heard not all are so good though). She wrote a super report with all she'd noticed even though school then said in their report that he was fine in all areas. I would also speak to the teacher/SENCO saying all you've said here and see if they support you getting her assessed - that might have some sway with the GP too.

Good luck!

In some areas you can self refer, if you can’t go back to the GP and push for a referral. The school nursing team can also refer in many areas.

What support is the school providing?

I have found this thread as my Y1 DS has just been suspended for 2 days for hitting 2 members of staff and another kid. it wasn't the first time so hence now escalating to suspension. In his telling, a couple of kids weren't playing the rules of a playground game properly, one told a teacher he didn't want to play and DS got angry with both of them and he couldn't control himself.

He has an ASD diagnosis and an EHCP is being put in place. He has support from a TA, and school has been pretty good at trying to help with his dysregulation. But he's still getting regularly dysregulated. I want him to stay in mainstream because he's bright and the specialist schools around us (none of which start til Y3 anyway) all have a really limited curriculum. I've read The Explosive Child and we changed the way we talk to him as a result. He's started seeing a therapist but only had one session so far. I am at my wits end and hope someone on this thread might have some advice. OP, how has it worked out with your DD?

Ok, so it sounds as if the hardest time is playtime?

If so - can there be consistent 121 support at breaktime? Is there a lunchtime club (lego?) that he could join? If not could they set one up? I'd bet the mortgage DS isn't the only kid who would benefit - governors might be interested. Or could he have a pass to join the library at break? Is he clashing with particular kids? Can they be kept apart?

Does he have access to any/all of wobble cushion, chewy, fidget toys, ear defenders quiet space? If any of these might help could you buy one and send it in with him? Eg perhaps you could buy one of these and have it in a corner of the classroom: https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/cat/play-tents-20484/ Can help to present these as gifts to class rather than just for DS. A box of (quiet!) fidget toys for everyone?

Does he have proactive movement breaks? Ten minutes racing round a quiet playground might make all the difference.

do you think that he’s going into playtime dysregulated overall, or, is kids not playing games ‘properly’ the main trigger? I agree about Lego club, quiet corner etc - can be impossible to achieve though as they want kids to go out.

a social coach could help because there are predictable issues - wanting to control how a game is played and getting angry is one of those scenarios that’s easy to walk through and plan for, as is losing games etc.

Honestly, whether your dd is neurodivergent or not is besides the point - and you will be waiting some time for a diagnosis anyway, so while you should pursue formal healthcare assessment routes, a name for it will not help you at this point. Whatever the root cause, she is communicating extreme anxiety and sounds like she's in constant fight or flight mode. Her working memory and gross motor skills may be good, but she is likely lacking in several other executive skills and it is that which presents her with challenges. Her behaviour is a result of heightened anxiety and the anxiety is a result of her lacking the skills necessary to thrive in life - i.e. she currently has unidentified, and therefore unmet, needs.

Does she have an ehcp? If not, I would urge you to speak to the senco and ask to put in an application for an ehcp needs assessment. Get that in place while you get your dd on the diagnosis pathway. In terms of pathways, I'd be considering ASD/ PDA and ADHD possibly combined. But as I said, start to address the causes of the anxiety now, not the condition that causes the anxiety.

There is always someone with him at breaktime. Sometimes he can play brilliantly and he looks forward to playing football after lunch (it's one of his favourite bits of the day).
He has chews and fidget toys, and last week we bought some ear defenders - not sure he's quite worked out how best to use them so I will ask school again to do that.
They have just sent a revised timetable for him which has more breaks built into it, as well as quiet Lego time after lunch, so I hope that will help.
The other kids he clashes most with in the classroom are the other SEN kids, esp ones who are higher need (eg non verbal/working significantly below Yr 1).

Yesterday they thought something had been building for a while, so in retrospect think they can see that he shouldn't have been put in the position of playing the kind of game which is regularly a trigger.
I will ask about social coaching - that sounds like something his EHCP could perhaps cover.

Yeah isn’t that always the way…it’s both! Ultimately whether you do it or or you hire a coach I thought the point about the explosive child is that you want strategies/solutions that your child buys into for predictable scenarios - so here, you get to play time and realise that you’re not coping today/your emotional regulation is amber not green etc.

another one is discussing the things about the less able children that are triggering, and what the solution is so your child feels empowered.

its a slowly evolving learning process for everyone