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Y1 Child Suspended - how do I deal with this?

37 replies

Playgrind · 07/03/2023 12:59

I have posted here before with concerns about possible SEN for my DD.

She says she enjoys school and is very bright but is unwilling to go in, I often have to gently coax/persuade/push her into classroom in the morning. The teacher complains she is defiant, and I have complete sympathy as she can be the same at home. She can be anxious around (some) transitions eg. moving from after school club, either though she loves it.

Although she has lots of friends and the teacher reports no peer issues she can have poor physical boundaries and just be a bit "full on" for her female friends in particular.

She an be very emotionally reactive, and gets angry easily. I fully appreciate she must be a challenge to teach, she is not easy to parent either.

She has been suspended from school this afternoon for trying to hurt a teacher and running away from staff, they were chasing her around the school. I am so shocked and I don't know what to think, in terms of going forward.

I've flagged concerns to the school and met with teachers a couple of times but not met with the SENCo yet, though this is planned. I approached GP for CAMHs referral but got the brush off, they suggesting reading a book and doing a parenting course that we'd all ready done.

How do I handle this, how can I make sure that she is getting any support she needs when I don't know the full cause of the behaviour? I normally take away treats/an enjoyable activity but this doesn't seem to really help.

OP posts:
ArcticSkewer · 07/03/2023 13:06

I'm surprised your parenting course taught removal of treats as a good strategy to change behaviour. Perhaps a better parenting course ... what was yours called?

Meanwhile the school senco would be a good step - can they bring the meeting forward?

Although she may have something like autism she may also just be suffering from the effects of the pandemic - many children her age have behavioural issues at the moment. That's why I wonder if finding a better parenting course may be helpful as well.

user567543 · 07/03/2023 13:09

Does sound as though she has unmet needs - there are mediators for SN that are accessed via charities, I’d try and get one of these for your school meeting from a charity working in your area, you need to be asking them to put strategies in place to help her stay regulated.

my DDs are very scared when they act like that - they have friends too but they can find the school environment overwhelming.

Mabelface · 07/03/2023 13:21

It sounds like the school dealt with her appallingly. She must have been so overwhelmed and frightened, and I bet the trying to hurt a teacher was when they'd tried to grab her. Definitely make an urgent appointment with the SENDCO and ask them how they're going to support her in school to prevent this happening again.

user567543 · 07/03/2023 13:29

Yes a child being chased by teachers is a scared child. Definitely try and take some back up to the meeting.

user567543 · 07/03/2023 13:31

I wouldn’t take things away either - as you inks it doesn’t work. What you want to achieve is an understanding that lashing out is always wrong and if we are scared or overwhelmed by another strong emotion we need to do x,y,z instead.

slithytoveisascientist · 07/03/2023 13:33

Which parenting course did you do?

I've found the GP useless with things like this, we had to really pressure the school and eventually got referrals to community paediatrics to start the diagnosis process, a referral for emotionally healthy schools and she was put on the anxiety pathway at school.

This came about after I sat sobbing in the head teachers office after my seven year old quite seriously asked me if i could help her kill herself as she was so unhappy.

It's shit.

Go into the school, document everything and don't take no for an answer.

What area are you?

MyriadOfTravels · 07/03/2023 13:33

SENCO asap.

id also look privately for an Ed psychologist. My first thought was autism but I might be wrong there. She certainly needs something out in place to help her out.

Im a bit 😵‍💫😵‍💫 at the idea of teachers chasing her up in the school tbh. If my dcs are anything to go by, it would have made things 100x worse.

slithytoveisascientist · 07/03/2023 13:34

And don't remove treats. It doesn't work, it causes shame and embarrassment and doesn't reach or get to the root cause of the behaviour.

Oblomov23 · 07/03/2023 13:36

Poor you. You are being majorly failed her. As is she.

Ask Head for an urgent meeting with You, Head, Senco and Teacher.
Go back to Gp, update with recent events and insist of referal for sn. Do you suspect ASD, ADHD or both. But diagnosis could take ages anyway. School will have to support her in the meantime. You don't need an actual diagnosis for school to put in place support. Could you find out who the referral will go to, Paed or camhs and see them privately. then when you do see them on the nhs they will already have some details for you. quickens things up.
Get all your info, all the info about her, her milestones , her problems, the things she struggles with, ready written down, ready to send anyone who needs to know!! You need to get organised and chase on all angles, from now on.

minipie · 07/03/2023 13:37

Oh bless you she sounds like DD (except thankfully DD likes school, so far). The Explosive Child is a really, really good book for children with behaviour like this. AHA! website is also quite useful.

I think the key thing is working out what is triggering the behaviour/anger and helping her with strategies to deal with those situations, before she gets to “lost it” stage. Easier said than done.

Y1 was a low point for DD. Broadly things have improved since then with some bumps here and there. She is now Y5 and things are SO much better.

slithytoveisascientist · 07/03/2023 13:37

Also what support do you have for you? This is a shit journey and you need to practice self care so you don't break

minipie · 07/03/2023 13:38

Apologies by the way if this is the book you already read!

Jules912 · 07/03/2023 13:46

I've been there with my year 2 DD and know how awful it feels at the time, but actually it turned out to be the best thing to happen as it opened up lots more support both within school and externally. She is still waiting on her diagnosis but the school put in the things they normally do for ASD children. It didn't happen overnight, and unfortunately there is a fair bit of trying different things to see what works, but she's a lot calmer now. Obviously your DD may be different but this is what helped for mine:
-Her own table in the class and sitting at the edge for carpet time
-Zones of regulation including check ins and a non-verbal way for her to indicate what zone she's in
-A time out card (though she doesn't use this often as doesn't like showing it, so uses duplo blocks linked to zones of regulation instead)
-Where possible rewards rather than sanctions, she gets 10 minutes to do her chosen activity at the end of the day if she's behaved
-Allowed to do her work under the table if she prefers
-Movement breaks, usually 'running errands for the teacher' if they see she's getting dysregulated
-Ear defenders
-A chew necklace and a box of fidget toys/calming activities
-TA support in PE (she doesn't officially have a 1-2-1, and in fact doesn't respond well to one but hasn't yet twigged the TA is there just for her)
-Visual timetable
-ELSA sessions and talk and draw sessions (the latter are done as outreach by the PRU so may not be available in your area)

There is also a den she can go to but this is dependant on someone being able to take her.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 07/03/2023 13:47

I've been you and its so hard.

Firstly, as someone else has already said, you need to request an urgent meeting with the head, her teacher and the senior senco staff.

Do your school have an educational psychologist? If they do, include them.

You need to call the GP and press the CAMHS referral and ask the school to contact CAMHS themselves regarding her.

Since my sons diagnosis he hasn't been suspended once, it really can protect them to have a diagnosis.

Ask the school for a behaviour plan, a coping plan, ask them what they are doing to ensure her needs are being met.

She may require an EHCP but they are hard to get so start with the above and see how she gets on.

Best of luck.

freespirit333 · 07/03/2023 13:47

The school has handled it very poorly. I think the way they handled this situation needs dealing with separately, maybe a meeting with the Head?

In terms of a way forward for your DD at school, I’d suggest arranging a meeting with her teacher and the SENCO, together, ASAP.

At the meeting be frank, encourage them to be frank - what exactly are the issues? What have they tried? What has worked well, what’s made things worse? What are the triggers they’ve noticed? What else can they try to help? Have your own input on these points ready as it’ll help your DD if you build a picture with school, there’s bound to be consistencies at home/school like you’ve pointed out, difficulty with transitions etc. Ask for it all to be documented, what you agreed to try etc, and document it yourself.

It sounds like she probably has ASD/ADHD? If you think so, tell school this is your suspicion and ask for their help with referring her. I think it has much more weight coming from school as like you’ve found, GPs can fob you off.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 07/03/2023 14:25

I don't know why everyone is saying don't remove treats I find this is something that really works for my children in improving behaviour. Whether your dd problems are behavioural or something else you both deserve more support then you are getting. I wonder if going back to your gp now she has been suspended might make them take it more seriously.

user567543 · 07/03/2023 14:35

well firstly because op says it doesn’t help, but secondly if the root cause of the behaviour is fear, taking more things away isn’t going to do anything other than make her feel less safe and less understood.

I never excuse bad behaviour but you need to understand the triggers for it together and have a better strategy - taking someone’s favourite toy or reward away doesn’t do that and just makes them feel like they’re really bad.

Jules912 · 07/03/2023 14:36

I suspect a lot is in how it's presented to the child, my DD knows she earns her reward each day but some might see it as losing it if she doesn't behave.
OP you may also wish to get this moved to the SEN board as you're likely to get more answers from people with experience.

user567543 · 07/03/2023 14:40

Presumably though @Jules912 that’s part of a long term strategy rewarding good behaviour rather than focusing on bad.

gamerchick · 07/03/2023 14:44

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 07/03/2023 14:25

I don't know why everyone is saying don't remove treats I find this is something that really works for my children in improving behaviour. Whether your dd problems are behavioural or something else you both deserve more support then you are getting. I wonder if going back to your gp now she has been suspended might make them take it more seriously.

She's not behaving badly. She's communicating unmet needs 🙄

The school is failing her, you need to start at the beginning and get her assessed. They always try to blame the parents and get them to do parenting courses. It's rubbish.

You need to clue up and learn how to navigate the system to get your child's needs met.

Magicmagician · 07/03/2023 14:44

Have you looked into PDA? (Pathological demand avoidance) If you’re trying to meet with the SENco might be worth mentioning it, if you think it might fit?

Jules912 · 07/03/2023 14:45

user567543 · 07/03/2023 14:40

Presumably though @Jules912 that’s part of a long term strategy rewarding good behaviour rather than focusing on bad.

I phrased that badly, but yes that's the idea and it's underpinned by all the other support I mentioned above.

HotPenguin · 07/03/2023 14:48

It sounds like the school are handling this poorly, first I would ask for a written account of exactly what happened. How did she try to hurt a teacher, what triggered it? How did staff respond?

What exactly is their policy on suspension and how has your DD triggered it?

I would take a guess that it was triggered by a transition of sone sort, so the school need a plan for how they will handle transitions in future, eg giving DD notice that it's going to happen and agreeing what they will do if she resists.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 07/03/2023 16:28

gamerchick · 07/03/2023 14:44

She's not behaving badly. She's communicating unmet needs 🙄

The school is failing her, you need to start at the beginning and get her assessed. They always try to blame the parents and get them to do parenting courses. It's rubbish.

You need to clue up and learn how to navigate the system to get your child's needs met.

I can't comment on whether it's behavioral or not as iv never met her and I'm not a pediatrician. I'm assuming you have to make this statement

gamerchick · 07/03/2023 16:31

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 07/03/2023 16:28

I can't comment on whether it's behavioral or not as iv never met her and I'm not a pediatrician. I'm assuming you have to make this statement

All behaviors are communication. A child can't express themselves if they're not happy the way most adults can. It's common bloody sense.