Birthday party tomorrow, my son has suspected ADHD

[EmilyS93]

Hi there,

My son is 4, in school and has been invited to a friend's birthday party tomorrow. I am absolutely bricking it.
He has suspected ADHD, he's been put on the SEN register at school as he can be quite challenging. He gets very overwhelmed by noise and lights, and can find turn taking really really hard. He has a short fuse, he can just get so frustrated in the moment, and once he has calmed down (doesn't usually take too long) it's like it's never happened! He's extremely hyperactive and can be really in people faces in excitement (he's a big hugger) but in his good moments, he is sweet, very empathetic, extremely well mannered, funny, life of the party.

My question is is what coping mechanisms do people have for this? Whether it be prep before, how to deal with a potential meltdown or how to leave the party.

I really don't want to isolate him from parties and it's taken so much guts for me to take him. I have asked the mum if I can stay and she says she's happy for me to, but my biggest fear is he goes into a total meltdown and I'm at a loss on what to do ( him being 4, we are very new to ADHD, and any advice would be so so helpful to understand our little guy more)

Thanks alot

Emily

Sorry. I've only just seen this. Hopefully the party will have gone well. From what I remember, birthday parties for 4/5 year olds can be overwhelming for many DC - regardless of additional needs or not. Meltdowns/tears at that age are pretty common anyway and less 'noticeable' if you know what I mean.

All parents are on a learning curve. I'm sure you're doing your best to support your DS and it is very hard in the early stages to get to learn what does/doesn't work for your DC.

My DS has ASD and parties/social gatherings have always been very challenging for him. I have spent a lot of time sitting outside venues with my DS! In family events, I try and tag team with my DH so that one of us takes turns to look after DS while the other can eat/socialise. If you don't have a DP maybe a close family member could help you out if you arrange beforehand.

In terms of class parties, I always stayed with my DS. There's no way I could have left him - and other parents were totally fine with it. In fact, many were happy to have the extra help. If it's somewhere you have to pay for, I've obviously always paid for my own ticket.

I would also not expect my DS to stay for the whole thing and would usually maybe stay an hour? I would try and find out beforehand what was going to happen and then try and work out what would be the best bit to go for. Again, in my experience, most parents are understanding. If you don't feel comfortable about sharing too much information with people you maybe don't know too well (I'm assuming your DS has just started school) - you could always say he finds parties a bit 'overwhelming' or even you've got something else on but you'd love to come for a bit?

1. Tell the parents of the birthday boy - sounds like this is already covered.
2. Tell your kid that he can leave whenever he wants.

Thank you everyone for commenting.
It was VERY loud in there, but I made such a point to put on such a smile. It was a disco, and there was a very happy go lucky entertainer. DS took little to no notice, and just wondered round opening cupboards and checking out every door. And I just let him do his thing. Even as a toddler, we found every new place he had to check out every cupboard and explore.
After 40 minutes he asked to go, to which I said was absolutely fine, but it would be a shame if we left so early. So suggested going outside which there was a park. He burned off energy for 10 minutes then told me he was ready to go back inside. He then found a friend of his at school, who I think is also on the SEN register. Neither of them danced, they both held their ears when it was too noisy, but they had each other, and it was so lovely to watch them comforting each other and laughing at jokes only they understood. I was very proud of him. I know things arent always going to go super swimmingly like that, but what I understood is not how involved he was, but how comfortable and safe he felt.
Thank you again everybody

What a lovely update! I'm so glad you went. It sounds like you handled it brilliantly. The fact that your DS was able to cope in such a challenging environment is really encouraging.

I think breaking the party up and giving him outside space to decompress is ideal. Also you listened to him which is everything.