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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

Question for parents....

13 replies

realdilemma · 07/02/2008 17:38

My friends ds is 4.5 and in reception.

He goes to after school club and he's been very happy and settled since he's made friend with a boy who's 8.

My friend thinks this boy is somewhere on the autistic spectrum as:

she's always seen him play with her ds only who's much younger
he's always walking around with the same soft toy
he doesn't make any eye contact with her when she's spoken to him
his favourite game is to line cars

I believe she's jumping to conclusions as the boy might be just very shy.

However, she wanted to invite this boy for tea as her ds absolutely adores him, but doesn't want to upset his parents in case he is SN and they may not feel comfortable sending him to her house on his own.

Her ds has already invited him and he has said yes, so next step would be sending a note to his parents.....

OP posts:

dustystar · 07/02/2008 17:40

She could always invite the parent along for a coffee as well. DS can be very challenging so i am always wary of letting him go to someones house who i don't know but have got around it by going too.

TotalChaos · 07/02/2008 17:48

I agree with Dusty - invite the parent along too.

ancientmiddleagedmum · 07/02/2008 17:51

Agree with dusty, and would definitely go through with it as the one thing I yearn for (as mum to an ASD boy) is for him to have a FRIEND! This boy must be at the very mild end of the spectrum (if at all) to be playing with any child at all, as one of the things you would expect with autism is for the child to be unaware of/uninterested in other kids and more interested in objects. It could be mild aspergers, in which case a playdate is one of the best forms of therapy possible! I get really sad at the thought that all the other kids in my DS's class are already well into the playdate scene, but my DS never gets asked. The one thing you have given me the push to do is find a sympathetic mum like your pal and you, and arrange a playdate where I go along too! Speaking as an SEN mum, I would be delighted to get your invite whether it's a note or just a chat in the playground!

bullet123 · 07/02/2008 18:13

I have to disagree about the "mild end of the spectrum" comment I'm afraid MEM. Ds1 could not be called mild, or having mild aspergers. He's not severe, but he's not mild either. However, whilst he spends more time playing on his own, he is happy to sometimes run and giggle with a couple of other children. He can't understand how to play games that involve rules and turntaking, but seeing the way he giggles and runs around holding his younger brother's hand shows that he does like to play with other children sometimes.

yurt1 · 07/02/2008 18:20

I would just invite him. DS2 (6) has a friend with AS in year 6 (so 10 or 11). He wanted to invite him to his party so he did and he came (and was a star- helped look after ds3). DS2 has no idea his friend has AS (nor does he need to). They just get on really well.

If he's managing in after-school club by himself I would just invite him. I would think it odd if someone invited me along with a child aged 8. If he has SN and the mother thinks another parent needs to know then she'll tell them. Just treat him like any other child (which he is AS or not).

magso · 07/02/2008 18:21

I agree invite the parent. My son plays well with younger children (who play more at his level and seem to find him fun) but not his NT peers and I would love such an invite for him! I would also be wary of letting Ds(8 sn) go anywhere new without an adult who knew him well in case of problems.

yurt1 · 07/02/2008 18:26

BUt we don't know whether the child does has SN. I think inviting the parent is a bit weird if you don't know for sure- most will say of they need to come.

MAMAZON · 07/02/2008 18:30

i would LOVE for my son to be invited over for tea.

i would be very nervouse of it and would be very welcoming of an invite for coffee whilst they play, certainly the first time at least.

if teh boys parents are anything like me they will be glad of the new friend too

dustystar · 07/02/2008 18:32

I agree with yurt. Ds has been invited and when i am concerned about his behaviour then I have said so and every time the parent has said to come too if i want. I think it would be a bit weird if someone i didn't know invited me along with him otherwise.

hecate · 07/02/2008 18:35

Just invite him. The mum will tell you if there's anything you need to know.

dustystar · 07/02/2008 18:36

When i suggested inviting the parent too I meant if they seemed worried about their ds going by himself. Like yurt says, most parents will say if they need to come.

magso · 07/02/2008 18:43

Good point! Just invite him!

Original poster

realdilemma · 07/02/2008 19:49

thanks for all your replies and excellent point.

My friend feels very embarassed about even having this impression about somebody's else child that she didn't want to post this herself let alone discuss it with friends who might have insight into this.

I didn't think he was SN as he's at the after school club on his own.

But not being familiar with this I don't know if there are children that might be sent as this could improve their relationship building skills as they are high functioning and have a very mild case of Asperger as ancientmiddleagedmum suggests here.

My friend thinks he's SN because my dd who's 7 won't play with her ds as he's too young. Only if asked to look after him she will make the effort and only for a few minutes, then she gets bored. Same for cousins or friends children who are 7 or 8.

Maybe my dd is just being rude

My friend is concerned that if the playdate doesn't go well her ds and/or his new friend can become upset in case the parents decide not to come and she's unable to handle situation.
The school is very good and they have staff trained to handle SN children.

However, I think she will send the invite to the child's parents anyway as both her ds and his new friend are really looking forward to it.

OP posts:

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