Toilet training 6 yo - please help!!

[coffeeNpie]

We have been trying to toilet train our DS, 6 years old, since a year now. He is autistic with developmental delay, speech delay and sensory issues. We started when he was 5, but had to pause it for a few months as it was stressful for him.

When we resumed toileting, DS was able to sit on the toilet for 2-3 minutes. We kept him nappy free during the day and he had accidents too. But then he started holding his wee for hours, and may be poo as well (he still can't tell the difference). He could say the word 'nappy' when he needed to go. The NHS continence service advised that we should give him the nappy when he asks as it's not healthy for him to hold wee or get constipated. With the nappy on, DS just finds a sofa nearby and sits on his knees with his arms resting on the sofa and tummy against the sofa seat. I think he finds this position comforting and helps him to empty his bladder or bowel.

DS has an EHCP with full time 1:1 support. The school is great and he gets OT and SALT support as well. He gets upset and frustrated when the staff takes him to the toilet. DS is nappy free at school and when he gets back home, he asks for a nappy. If we don't offer a nappy and take him to toilet, he will hold it for hours and gets super upset going to the toilet! It gets very hard as both DH and I work full time.

This has been going on for months now and I really want to make some progress. I am thinking to get DS a large potty and place it near the sofa. I could make him sit on it with the nappy on and then gradually move to the toilet? I shared this idea with the OT and she thinks we could give it a try.

I also had a chat with the BBUK advisor and she advised to get the OT to assess his toileting and sensory needs and suggest any adaptations required to ensure that DS has a suitable toileting position with the right equipment and that he feels comfortable with the surroundings from a sensory perspective.

I am so confused what to do - should I introduce a potty and see if that works? Or would the potty be confusing for DS? should I just ask the OT to do an assessment and carry on taking him to the toilet?

Any suggestions please?

Hi - we've been through similar with our son who is 5, non verbal ASD. We started training the summer before school without much success, lots of accidents for months. Only a few toilet wees that were flukes. Then we happened upon a bit of an odd solution where we took him to the toilet one day and held a particular toy boat under his willy and he weed into it. And since then we've had minimal accidents for the most part. He will now go into any recepticle, paper cup, bowl etc which is some kind of progress! I think it must be the splashing or something he doesnt like, or the difficulty aiming. Anyway around Christmas he started having accidents again and refusing to go and then when he started a new school in January he would manage to hold his wee in all day until he came home. I think it was stress. So we just really tried to act like it was no big deal and take him to the toilet when he was willing to go and not stay in there very long at all if he wouldn't go, not push it at all (which i found very hard!). And then it was like he got it again and started to go again. Still with the same system, but he is now going a few times a day in the toilet and hardly ever has accidents. School are keen for us to phase out the 'aid' but i'm just delighted as i didn't think we'd be anywhere near this point by now when we started. I don't know if any of that is remotely helpful, but i hope so. The low pressure was key for us, telling him it didn't matter if he went or not, but just try, as well as the 'boat'. I guess it's like a potty but over the toilet. I'm sure he'll get there, holding it is is bad for them i know but it definitely shows awareness! Good luck!