have been advised to post this in special needs - hope nobody minds.
I had a meeting with ds1's teacher a couple of days ago about his behaviour/progress, he has had an IEP since nursery which relates partly to the need to adapt the literacy curriculum a bit because he can already read, but is mostly to do with social interaction difficulties.
I said I was concerned that his behaviour was deteriorating (much more flapping/bouncing/squeaking/inappropriate behaviour than previously). The teacher agreed and told me that his interpersonal relations with his peers were not good at all - he approaches other children inappropriately (no idea of personal space, shouts in people's faces even when being friendly etc), is unable to take on board their reactions or wishes, can be verbally unkind without seeming to realise it etc. I said that he had been telling me nobody likes him and that he had no friends. The teacher told me that that very day he had said "I hate you!" to another child and then been surprised when that child didn't want to sit with him. She said that he was not aggressive, liked the other children, wanted to please and was not the worst behaved child in the class - but that he was very hard work (he is very difficult to control when he is in one of his twisty flappy squealy moods, even if all the other children are sitting down and the adult is cross - I know this behaviour very well from home) and socially his progress is very limited.
The teacher then shocked me a bit by saying "we really feel that our strategies are running out and the time has come to bring in someone from outside". I said (nonchalantly, because I didn't want to put words in her mouth) so would you say in your opinion - because you know more children than I do - that this is the result of some sort of emotional trauma or disturbance, or something intrinsic to Greencuff's personality?". She said very definitely "In my opinion this is not nurture, it is nature, and whatever parenting you had given him Greencuff would still be as he is". She then proceeded to tell me that she would like my consent to immediately talk to the senco and arrange assessments by ed psych/paediatrician. I said (again, trying to sounds in the dark, so as not to influence her response) "So are you thinking he ahs a particular condition, like - I dunno - something on the autistic spectrum, or ADHD, or something like that?". She said (looking a bit surprised) "Well, yes, actually I think in my opinion that he does have some form of autism, obviously I'm not a specialist but I do have some experience and I had an autistic child in my class last year - he wasn't identical to Greencuff, but there are some significant parallels". She then said that the TA who also had experience agreed with her and they weren't in much doubt. Then she said lots of nice things to make me feel better (don't blame yourself, there's lots of halp if we flag things this early, etc). She gave me a copy of the referral form they use, to take home and show dh, and said she would set things in motion immediately.
The next morning I went in and the new teacher (current teacher is going on maternity leave in 2 weeks, so new teacher is kind of job-sharing atm to get the children used to her) asked me very kindly whether I was OK. She said current teacher had spoken to her last night and told her what was happenening with ds1. She also said "I have been teaching for longer than I care to remember - I taught that mum over there - and I have thought since I met Greencuff that he was autistic"
They asked me to go to my GP and let him know that they would be writing to him to ask for a consultant paediatric referral. They also have already spoken to the school senco and she is going to assess him briefly herself and then get an ed psych to assess him.
I did go to my GP and he didn't bat an eyelid at the suggestion ds1 might have ASD - I ran the idea by him myself six months ago when the nursery first suggested the IEP, but the nursery staff weren't suggesting ASD so I decided to leave it until he started school and see what happened. The GP at the time seemed surprised that they hadn't considered ASD - his words "bright child, obsessions, social/communication dificulties - it's an obvious thing to at least rule out".
They are all behaving as though he deifinitely has it and it's a fait accompli - how seriously should I take it? I didn't feed them the idea, they had already had it, separately from one another (new teacher said she hadn't mentioned her concerns to anyone).
I know it will take ages to get the referral, and I have heard a bit about how long and horrendous getting a diagnosis is - can anyone give me a better idea of what to expect? And am I jumping the gin by being in bits about this, even though I had had my own suspicions for years and shouldn't be surprised?
Sorry this is a bit of an epistle.