Coming to terms

[Noahsark23]

how long did it take to come to terms that you child will not live the life you thought. In my case asd my beautiful 2 year old boy has asd. In recents weeks he has found it hard to cope with not being able to express himself. It’s difficult to watch him struggle. Obviously when your baby is born you picture something totally different and I’m not going to lie inside I am struggling to come to terms with this is it forever. When you first started to realise something was different did you cope well? Or was it really hard to swallow and take time. I feel like I’m the alone because all the other children his age are developing typically I never seem to see any other child similar to mine in nursery out and about etc. be kind please as it’s hard for me to be honest as I have no one else to talk about my true feelings to x

It’s perfectly natural to feel sad and mourn the life you thought your child and you would have. It takes time to come to terms with it and everyone follows their own acceptance journey. Go easy on yourself and don’t feel guilty as it doesn’t mean you don’t love your child.

Aw Noahsark23 I can totally relate to this! My little boy (2yrs4months) has just started the process of assessment. I'm really struggling with the fact he might be, he shows a few signs of being on the spectrum and so many signs that he's not and the unknown is actually crippling me!! I am seriously struggling to cope, I'm analysing everything he does, watching him every second of the day, googling, I'm not sleeping well and absolutely exhausted thinking about it. Constant knot in my stomach. I feel the same that he's just not going to have the life I imagined and I know that's selfish of me! Everyone around me is he's fine, he's 2! I keep trying to convince myself he's fine too but I think deep down I just know.
So sorry you are feelin so down also. Know you are not on your own ❤

I'll be honest I'm finding it very hard. Dd10 was diagnosed two years ago but it's getting worse as she heads towards puberty. I'm Terrified for her future as I'm don't know what it will hold with her being like she is. Not sure I'll ever accept it but I have to I guess.

I could have write this myself! Feeling the exact same I do all them things. How was your birth? X

@Noahsark23 my son's birth was good, it went as smoothly as it could have, I've never had a concern from that. What about yours? How is your little boy now? What made you concerned and lead to his diagnosis?

@Noahsark23 I can relate to every word of yours. It has been 3 years when DS was diagnosed. He is 6 yo now. I still feel very low thinking about his future and the life ahead of him. Watching him not being able to tell what he really likes, how his day went at school, or if he is feeling too cold, breaks my heart still. For the past 3 years, I have been too stressed, worried, anxious and frustated. But now I do remind myself that I need to try being happy and think positive. Do little things every other day to take my mind off the worries of DS future. Meeting or a phone call with other parents sailing in the same boat also helps quite a lot. I don't think I have come to terms with it though. It's just that you start managing life around it, brings bit more patience and peace to you.

I have to be honest that watching other young children develop in ways that your child does not is just very very hard and I would suggest you find a group of local mums in your situation for a while. It does get easier over time but it never goes away - don't expect to accept it, be realistic about your feelings. Nothing in any baby book prepares you for this , it's just too hard for anyone to even put into words in a mainstream book.

Yeah it’s so hard. I struggled loads during my DD’s regression, also in the phase that nobody else saw it / agreed. Now it’s clearer that it’s autism which helps in a way - acknowledgement by others too - but it continues to be a daunting future and also just hard on a practical level with sleep and meltdowns etc..
@Noahsark23 do you have a DP, do they share / understand your feelings?